Want my wife to be subservient to me, having small issues.

[Willie T]

My wife and I have been together or a few years now and we have several beautiful children. Our marriage is good, and we are a great team. Most days I think about how we are each others best friends and nothing could come between us. We are young, only now getting into our 30's so I'm excited to see how the rest of my life pans out with her.

Anyway, the reason for the post is this... I was raised by parents who knew their roles. Dad was the hunter and mom was the gatherer. Dad worked his butt off and mom took care of EVERYTHING else there was. I barely remember her complaining about her role in life. It was her duty, and her duty could never be completed if it wasn't for my dad bringing home money. But my mom wasn't just the caregiver or the bill payer or dinner maker..she was sexually submissive as well and I only know this because later in life she admitted little things here and there over the years. Dad was happy in his marriage and so was mom. Going on 14 years now and still strong.

My wife cooks like a champ. She cleans like a champ too but I want something more out of her. I want her to be subservient to me. 100% without question or nagging. I can say this without feeling bad because I believe I deserve it and I'll tell you why...

1. I have never given up on her or our kids no matter what's happened or didn't happen.
2. I have always made sure there was some sort of income even if it meant stooping down to taking out some else's trash.
3. I took on the responsibility of raising her three kids from two other fathers, one of which causes a lot of drama and the other was the source of my insecurities for quite some time.
4. I left my home behind and my family to stay in this state and start a life with her.
5. I have always tried to build her up and support her in everything she does, including work and school and motherhood.
6. I defend her honor against her family, who treats her rotten.
7. I love her the ways she has always deserved to be loved
8. I spoil her with compliments, gifts and attention as much as possible.
9. I help her with as much as I can when I'm not working or tasked out.
10. I'm fair, loyal and faithful.
11. I keep her in the loop and always discuss things with her before they happen.
12. I make her laugh and I have the patience of a saint.

There are probably more but the list is already long enough. You get the point.

Based off that list, I feel like I deserve to be treated the way I want. I have done nothing but right and good things. Even when I did mess up, I admitted it, took my punishment and made up for it x10 over. I have defended my country, I have been a wonderful father and a magnificent husband.

I want her to be subservient in life and in bed. I feel like she is only giving me 50% of what I want.

I don't know whether to just write you off as a complete Jackass, or to feel sorry for the life of misery you both have before you.

 

[Edward]

Keep listening with an open mind, even if what you are hearing displeases you. Listen for the message behind the words (or "read between the lines"). Notice your mate's body language and tone of voice.

What's she really saying? The question that plagues men of slow wit since the dawn of time...

 

[GodsGrace]

What's she really saying? The question that plagues men of slow wit since the dawn of time...

We do this on purpose so you don't get the upper hand.
See.
It works.
BTW, no need to be slow witted.
The super intelligent fail miserably...
The same...if not worse because they think they know it all.
Better to feign ignorance!
:halo

 

[vsiv3347]

I know nothing of marriage, probably never will. It sound like both of you are better at such things than I would ever be. However, I have learned something of God over the years: when God makes a list, trust that it is actually the best list and try to get in sync with that. In this case, that list is found in Proverbs.

 

[Edward]

We do this on purpose so you don't get the upper hand.
See.
It works.
BTW, no need to be slow witted.
The super intelligent fail miserably...
The same...if not worse because they think they know it all.
Better to feign ignorance!
:halo

Ok ok I failed miserably! But not as bad as some have, lol.
I knew it was a code, early on, because my dad told me, haha!
I'll be durned if he wasn't right. He failed too though. I think we all fail.
I thought it was exciting, myself. Kinda like a chess game. I did win
but then I lost. I should'a let her win.

 

[GodsGrace]

Ok ok I failed miserably! But not as bad as some have, lol.
I knew it was a code, early on, because my dad told me, haha!
I'll be durned if he wasn't right. He failed too though. I think we all fail.
I thought it was exciting, myself. Kinda like a chess game. I did win
but then I lost. I should'a let her win.

Hi Edward

You're actually very smart because you know the woman means something she's not saying, or is not saying what she really means.

Most times I'm not upset because of what's happening at the moment, but due to a past hurt or disappointment.

Women really do need to respect and look up to the man.
They really do need to feel secure and loved.

The man cannot demand it, though. It has to be true respect and love.
Respect has to be earned. Love must be treasured.

That's my two cents...

 

[Edward]

Hi Edward

You're actually very smart because you know the woman means something she's not saying, or is not saying what she really means.

Most times I'm not upset because of what's happening at the moment, but due to a past hurt or disappointment.

Women really do need to respect and look up to the man.
They really do need to feel secure and loved.

The man cannot demand it, though. It has to be true respect and love.
Respect has to be earned. Love must be treasured.

That's my two cents...

Yeah they do. The dad man said the same thing that you just said. Boy, I don't know where he learned about women but he was right. He wasn't a drinker, maybe it came out of that. Dang! You said that almost verbatim, lol. (or he did, I guess, lol!)

 

[abide]

My wife and I have been together or a few years now and we have several beautiful children. Our marriage is good, and we are a great team. Most days I think about how we are each others best friends and nothing could come between us. We are young, only now getting into our 30's so I'm excited to see how the rest of my life pans out with her.

Anyway, the reason for the post is this... I was raised by parents who knew their roles. Dad was the hunter and mom was the gatherer. Dad worked his butt off and mom took care of EVERYTHING else there was. I barely remember her complaining about her role in life. It was her duty, and her duty could never be completed if it wasn't for my dad bringing home money. But my mom wasn't just the caregiver or the bill payer or dinner maker..she was sexually submissive as well and I only know this because later in life she admitted little things here and there over the years. Dad was happy in his marriage and so was mom. Going on 14 years now and still strong.

My wife cooks like a champ. She cleans like a champ too but I want something more out of her. I want her to be subservient to me. 100% without question or nagging. I can say this without feeling bad because I believe I deserve it and I'll tell you why...

1. I have never given up on her or our kids no matter what's happened or didn't happen.
2. I have always made sure there was some sort of income even if it meant stooping down to taking out some else's trash.
3. I took on the responsibility of raising her three kids from two other fathers, one of which causes a lot of drama and the other was the source of my insecurities for quite some time.
4. I left my home behind and my family to stay in this state and start a life with her.
5. I have always tried to build her up and support her in everything she does, including work and school and motherhood.
6. I defend her honor against her family, who treats her rotten.
7. I love her the ways she has always deserved to be loved
8. I spoil her with compliments, gifts and attention as much as possible.
9. I help her with as much as I can when I'm not working or tasked out.
10. I'm fair, loyal and faithful.
11. I keep her in the loop and always discuss things with her before they happen.
12. I make her laugh and I have the patience of a saint.

There are probably more but the list is already long enough. You get the point.

Based off that list, I feel like I deserve to be treated the way I want. I have done nothing but right and good things. Even when I did mess up, I admitted it, took my punishment and made up for it x10 over. I have defended my country, I have been a wonderful father and a magnificent husband.

I want her to be subservient in life and in bed. I feel like she is only giving me 50% of what I want.

My wife and I have been together or a few years now and we have several beautiful children. Our marriage is good, and we are a great team. Most days I think about how we are each others best friends and nothing could come between us. We are young, only now getting into our 30's so I'm excited to see how the rest of my life pans out with her.

Anyway, the reason for the post is this... I was raised by parents who knew their roles. Dad was the hunter and mom was the gatherer. Dad worked his butt off and mom took care of EVERYTHING else there was. I barely remember her complaining about her role in life. It was her duty, and her duty could never be completed if it wasn't for my dad bringing home money. But my mom wasn't just the caregiver or the bill payer or dinner maker..she was sexually submissive as well and I only know this because later in life she admitted little things here and there over the years. Dad was happy in his marriage and so was mom. Going on 14 years now and still strong.

My wife cooks like a champ. She cleans like a champ too but I want something more out of her. I want her to be subservient to me. 100% without question or nagging. I can say this without feeling bad because I believe I deserve it and I'll tell you why...

1. I have never given up on her or our kids no matter what's happened or didn't happen.
2. I have always made sure there was some sort of income even if it meant stooping down to taking out some else's trash.
3. I took on the responsibility of raising her three kids from two other fathers, one of which causes a lot of drama and the other was the source of my insecurities for quite some time.
4. I left my home behind and my family to stay in this state and start a life with her.
5. I have always tried to build her up and support her in everything she does, including work and school and motherhood.
6. I defend her honor against her family, who treats her rotten.
7. I love her the ways she has always deserved to be loved
8. I spoil her with compliments, gifts and attention as much as possible.
9. I help her with as much as I can when I'm not working or tasked out.
10. I'm fair, loyal and faithful.
11. I keep her in the loop and always discuss things with her before they happen.
12. I make her laugh and I have the patience of a saint.

There are probably more but the list is already long enough. You get the point.

Based off that list, I feel like I deserve to be treated the way I want. I have done nothing but right and good things. Even when I did mess up, I admitted it, took my punishment and made up for it x10 over. I have defended my country, I have been a wonderful father and a magnificent husband.

I want her to be subservient in life and in bed. I feel like she is only giving me 50% of what I want.

Definition of subservient

Subservient - Definition for English-Language Learners from Merriam ...

I think you are living in a time warp. You want a slave...BUT slavery was abolished many many years ago.

 

[IncredibleTransformation]

I just lost my husband very suddenly to a massive heart attack and I would give anything in the world to have him back. We had a great marriage. We very rarely fought and if we did it only lasted about three minutes. I suppose I was not what your would call a submissive wife in the traditional sense. I don't think that's what the Lord was talking about, you being the hunter and your wife being the cook, cleaner, and babysitter. I think the Lord was talking about helping each other discover the gifts that He gave us that contribute to the family. For example, my husband was the most creative person that I know. He had a great voice, he could write songs, and he could entertain people. Everyone always loved him.

He was married for 19 years to a woman that wanted him to be like her dad. Her dad fed fish at a fish hatchery for 40 years. She insisted he have a "steady" job. My husband didn't have the temperament or the mental capacity to hold a job for a long time. He could make money entertaining others. It wasn't steady all the time but it did pay the bills and he was very happy doing that. As a servant to him I would encourage him to go out and get bigger and higher paying gigs, practice and get better, and boast his fragile ego so that he would continue. Sometimes I would have to go to work to supplement our income because at certain times of the year he couldn't make as much money as he could at other times of the year.

When it came to house work, yard work and such, we did it as we saw it. In other words if one of us saw something dirty that was really bugging us we would clean it. Usually I did the weekly cleaning and my husband did the laundry. I would help him with the outdoor work because I like doing it. When it came to fixing fence (we had 50 acres) he would do that because I couldn't do all the lifting, stretching and digging that was required.

I, however, have a gift and I love to speak in front of people. He helped me develop that gift. Someone said, "He was the wind beneath my wings." When it came to my gifts, he was. That was his gift of love to me and I'm finally starting to make money doing it.

God gave us gifts not only to be a blessing to others but to bless our families. Do you know what your wife's gifts are? Do you know what your gifts are? If not, perhaps you should pray for the Lord to reveal them to you and go a different direction in your marriage.

 

[calvin]

I just lost my husband very suddenly to a massive heart attack and I would give anything in the world to have him back. We had a great marriage. We very rarely fought and if we did it only lasted about three minutes. I suppose I was not what your would call a submissive wife in the traditional sense. I don't think that's what the Lord was talking about, you being the hunter and your wife being the cook, cleaner, and babysitter. I think the Lord was talking about helping each other discover the gifts that He gave us that contribute to the family. For example, my husband was the most creative person that I know. He had a great voice, he could write songs, and he could entertain people. Everyone always loved him.

He was married for 19 years to a woman that wanted him to be like her dad. Her dad fed fish at a fish hatchery for 40 years. She insisted he have a "steady" job. My husband didn't have the temperament or the mental capacity to hold a job for a long time. He could make money entertaining others. It wasn't steady all the time but it did pay the bills and he was very happy doing that. As a servant to him I would encourage him to go out and get bigger and higher paying gigs, practice and get better, and boast his fragile ego so that he would continue. Sometimes I would have to go to work to supplement our income because at certain times of the year he couldn't make as much money as he could at other times of the year.

When it came to house work, yard work and such, we did it as we saw it. In other words if one of us saw something dirty that was really bugging us we would clean it. Usually I did the weekly cleaning and my husband did the laundry. I would help him with the outdoor work because I like doing it. When it came to fixing fence (we had 50 acres) he would do that because I couldn't do all the lifting, stretching and digging that was required.

I, however, have a gift and I love to speak in front of people. He helped me develop that gift. Someone said, "He was the wind beneath my wings." When it came to my gifts, he was. That was his gift of love to me and I'm finally starting to make money doing it.

God gave us gifts not only to be a blessing to others but to bless our families. Do you know what your wife's gifts are? Do you know what your gifts are? If not, perhaps you should pray for the Lord to reveal them to you and go a different direction in your marriage.

:amen

 

[Edward]

Definition of subservient

Subservient - Definition for English-Language Learners from Merriam ...

I think you are living in a time warp. You want a slave...BUT slavery was abolished many many years ago.

It's all about perspective, really. There's a fine line between "subserviant" and a Proverbs 31 Wife. If this man's Wife was a Proverbs 31 wife, then he'd prolly feel fulfilled and not be here asking advice. I'm not sure that Proverbs 31 is the correct scripture for this though, Ephesians 5 would be better because it also explains the man's responsibility in the relationship towards the Wife.

The way I see it, marriage on earth is a dry run for a relationship with Christ. Not a lot of people would deny being (subserviant!) to Christ, and yet they are not the same towards their partner in marriage. Greatest command, Love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and the 2nd, love your Brother as yourself (and the Wife, even more!) .

I don't think Faithfulhusband has the right to expect a Proverbs 31 Wife...if he isn't being an Ephesians 5 Husband to her. It doesn't seem right.

 

[JohnDB]

It's all about perspective, really. There's a fine line between "subserviant" and a Proverbs 31 Wife. If this man's Wife was a Proverbs 31 wife, then he'd prolly feel fulfilled and not be here asking advice. I'm not sure that Proverbs 31 is the correct scripture for this though, Ephesians 5 would be better because it also explains the man's responsibility in the relationship towards the Wife.

The way I see it, marriage on earth is a dry run for a relationship with Christ. Not a lot of people would deny being (subserviant!) to Christ, and yet they are not the same towards their partner in marriage. Greatest command, Love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and the 2nd, love your Brother as yourself (and the Wife, even more!) .

I don't think Faithfulhusband has the right to expect a Proverbs 31 Wife...if he isn't being an Ephesians 5 Husband to her. It doesn't seem right.

So...

Just to be clear,

You believe that someone doing the right thing is dependent upon another parties actions and attitudes.

That just doesn't sound right.

My behavior is not dependant upon someone else's actions. I am kind to my wife because I love her. Whether she's in the mood to be kind to me or not.

 

[reba]

It's all about perspective, really. There's a fine line between "subserviant" and a Proverbs 31 Wife. If this man's Wife was a Proverbs 31 wife, then he'd prolly feel fulfilled and not be here asking advice. I'm not sure that Proverbs 31 is the correct scripture for this though, Ephesians 5 would be better because it also explains the man's responsibility in the relationship towards the Wife.

The way I see it, marriage on earth is a dry run for a relationship with Christ. Not a lot of people would deny being (subserviant!) to Christ, and yet they are not the same towards their partner in marriage. Greatest command, Love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and the 2nd, love your Brother as yourself (and the Wife, even more!) .

I don't think Faithfulhusband has the right to expect a Proverbs 31 Wife...if he isn't being an Ephesians 5 Husband to her. It doesn't seem right.

Really you blame the wife ?

 

[Edward]

So...

Just to be clear,

You believe that someone doing the right thing is dependent upon another parties actions and attitudes.

That just doesn't sound right.

My behavior is not dependant upon someone else's actions. I am kind to my wife because I love her. Whether she's in the mood to be kind to me or not.

Really you blame the wife ?

I should'a kept me mouth shut, lol. No that's not what I meant. Love is a one way street. It's a blessing if it's a two way street, but more often than not it isn't.

Blame the Wife? Of course blame the wife. It her fault isn't it? She didn't walk on water, so put her in stocks, lol. Make me a sandwich.

 

[Edward]

 

[Rollo Tamasi]

This is my first 'ehhh' right here:

The math don't add up.......

Do you really believe this is good parenting advice because someone's marriage might not be pluperfect?

 

[Mike]

Faithfulhusband it's been a while since you responded. If you're still following along and willing to participate, I'd want to know how well she knew your parents during your courtship and engagement. It's important to know what "normal" looks like to anyone who someone marries before they do. If she entered this marriage eyes wide open to your experience and expectations, I suppose I might understand your position a little more than I do.

In my life, I've never heard a man speak so highly of himself in his role as a husband and father. I've found often we are either much harder on ourselves or oblivious to ourselves than we should be, but you seem to find no areas where you can improve. This is a red flag for me.

 

[Jim Parker]

I want her to be subservient in life and in bed. I feel like she is only giving me 50% of what I want.

Just lay down you life for her (including everything you want) and lover her as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us and you'll be happy.

you can be right or you can be happy

 

[JohnDB]

Basically this is a thing about how he doesn't accept his wife for who she is.

She is a sinner...same as himself. She (as well as he) will continue to sin.
The road that was required to bring these two together in marriage was not full of roses and beautiful days. But it seems that this guy seems to know better than God because he wishes to change his wife from who she is (as was created by God including her libido and personality) into something else of his creation.

And that's the unspoken problem at this point that we all know but have yet to voice to him.

We accept a spouse with their blessings and faults. We can't "help" them mature or to be better. It's tantamount to trying to change who they are.

For example:
If you're the kind of person who from the bedroom can see a crease in a pillow on the couch. But your spouse is the kind of person who can leave dirty dishes in the sink for two weeks... chances are that there is going to be a conflict. But real problems come from the "neat freak" brow beating the "slob" to be "better" or the "slob" trying to convince the "neat freak" that they are neurotic. And usually it comes in the form of nagging and reluctant compliance.
I'm not a perfect husband nor is my wife perfect either. But we accept the others faults and limitations. I may roll my eyes at a few things my wife does...but I don't do it at her because it won't change her and most likely will upset her, make her defensive, and create another dime's worth of space between us...till the day comes that she wants to have a $1,000 discussion in a dime moment.

 

[Mike]

After seeing this guy drop off the way he did, I believe he is out of touch with the will of the Lord in his marriage. He's left the building. Somehow, he expected to receive approval and applause. Like our 19-year-old daughter tends to do, he'd have remained engaged if he got the approval and pat on the back he was seeking, but he tuned out when he didn't.

This is an epidemic in the world today. People don't take correction. They refuse to receive what they don't want to hear. We had members rally to the biblical role of the husband who regularly square off against each other on other matters, and that's wonderful to see.

He might have fully disconnected, but maybe he's getting email notifications and this overwhelming response might force him to reconsider what he wants. Faithfulhusband, if you are, I pray you do, for yourself, your lovely wife, and your children who need a biblical father figure. Seek pastoral counsel and go to the Throne over this.

Whether or not any of this happens, I know the Lord will use this for His good. Maybe we redirect another member who happens upon this discussion sometime in the future.