What do you think a man and a woman must know about each other

[agua.]

I've never known anyone today that got married this way. Does this really happen in modern civilized countries these days? Let's look at it:

Jacob had indeed been instructed by Issac (his father) to go to Laban's house and select a wife: "Arise, go to Paddan-aram, to the house of Bethuel your mother’s father; and from there take to yourself a wife from the daughters of Laban your mother’s brother." (Gen 28:2 NASB) So Jacob's father had indeed made the decision for Jacob and sent him on a mission to pick out a wife from one of Laban's two daughters. He chose Rachel, but his choices were indeed limited by his father to only those two women from that one family. That seems pretty arranged to me.

So did Jacob have to buy Rachel? Laban was Rachel's father and Jacob went to work for him. Laban said to Jacob: "Tell me, what shall your wages be?" (Gen 29:15b. NASB) Jacob asks for Rachel as his wages: Jacob said “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” (Gen 29:18b. NASB) There was no indication of Rachel having any part in this negotiation. Jacob then agreed to pay for her by working for 7 years for Laban. Now the average wage in the United States these days is around $44,000, so that means Jacob paid the equivalent of over $300,000 for Rachel, but then got cheated out of her and had to work another 7 years to finally purchase her, for a total price of around $600,000, a high price indeed to be paid by a common worker! This was not just a simple gift given to Rachel's family. There may be some remote parts of the world where this still happens, but I've never heard of anything even close to this ever happening among anyone I know.

I think this was indeed an arranged marriage in that Rachel was bought and paid for with a high price and didn't seem to have any say in the matter herself. Her wants and feelings were not considered and this was not a decision made between Jacob and Rachel, with Jacob simply performing a formality of asking her father for permission to marry her. This was the very expensive purchase of a man's daughter from him for marriage.

Nice assessment Obadiah ! I think there was some indication that Rachel was good with the arrangement but this doesn't suggest she could have said no.

Jacob paid the equivalent of over $300,000 for Rachel, but then got cheated out of her and had to work another 7 years to finally purchase her, for a total price of around $600,000, a high price indeed to be paid by a common worker!

She must have been pretty hot eh ? :D Or maybe in Jacob's heart he knew the type of woman Rachel was and her role in his life would be God sent. ( maybe Yahweh put that into Jacob's heart ). Also Yahweh may have placed the same thing on Rachel's heart. Also Leah's part in mothering Rueben, Simeon, Levi, Judah , Issachar and Zebulun and Dinah was possibly the reason Laban had on his heart to not see his youngest daughter marry before the eldest. imo Anyways maybe the arranged marriages were arranged by Yahweh more than anyone else what do you think ?

 

[Obadiah]

Nice assessment Obadiah ! I think there was some indication that Rachel was good with the arrangement but this doesn't suggest she could have said no.



She must have been pretty hot eh ? :biggrin Or maybe in Jacob's heart he knew the type of woman Rachel was and her role in his life would be God sent. ( maybe Yahweh put that into Jacob's heart ). Also Yahweh may have placed the same thing on Rachel's heart. Also Leah's part in mothering Rueben, Simeon, Levi, Judah , Issachar and Zebulun and Dinah was possibly the reason Laban had on his heart to not see his youngest daughter marry before the eldest. imo Anyways maybe the arranged marriages were arranged by Yahweh more than anyone else what do you think ?

Rachel may very well have been fine with it. We have no way of knowing because scripture doesn't say. The culture of the time didn't give women many choices in life, so they didn't expect to get many. She may have very well just been thankful she had not been sold to some terrible person! But from what I have read of the history of ancient Jewish culture of the time, she wouldn't have been very free to say no. God used Jacob's marriages to accomplish His will, but scripture seems to be saying that the arrangements were made between the people and the families.

 

[agua.]

Rachel may very well have been fine with it. We have no way of knowing because scripture doesn't say. The culture of the time didn't give women many choices in life, so they didn't expect to get many. She may have very well just been thankful she had not been sold to some terrible person! But from what I have read of the history of ancient Jewish culture of the time, she wouldn't have been very free to say no. God used Jacob's marriages to accomplish His will, but scripture seems to be saying that the arrangements were made between the people and the families.

Oky doky.

 

[Claudya]

Hm it seems my parents aren't into arranging a marriage for me. They'd certainly love me to get married (and, most of all, to give them grand children), but they don't bother to arrange anything. It'd be kinda hard, too, they live in a another state, and my parents aren't christians, and their idea of a good son in law doesn't match my taste in men. So as a good christian woman what should I do to get my arranged marriage? :biggrin

 

[for_his_glory]

Hm it seems my parents aren't into arranging a marriage for me. They'd certainly love me to get married (and, most of all, to give them grand children), but they don't bother to arrange anything. It'd be kinda hard, too, they live in a another state, and my parents aren't christians, and their idea of a good son in law doesn't match my taste in men. So as a good christian woman what should I do to get my arranged marriage? :biggrin

God will arrange it, but you have to see it and recognize it. God will always put the right person in our path.

 

[for_his_glory]

There is no place in the Bible that constitutes having to have a marriage license. Man incorporated this into the law. In the Hebrew tradition a mohar or dowry was paid to the father of the bride by the groom in exchange for the daughter, Exodus 22:17. Before ever getting married take time to really know each other and establish a friendship that consist of trust and belief in each other. Allow Christ to be the center of your friendship and this will allow you to begin a marriage that is totally Christ centered.

 

[TimothyW]

I think the major change for me when I was first married is...There is a man in my bed!!

It must have been a shock for your husband to find a man in your bed too!

 

[reba]

 

[Deborah13]

I suppose they didn't arrange it but they limited the options a bit.

Gen 28:2 KJV Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother's father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother's brother.

Oh yeah, short term memory lose....! Thanks for the correction.

 

[Deborah13]

Nice assessment Obadiah ! I think there was some indication that Rachel was good with the arrangement but this doesn't suggest she could have said no.



She must have been pretty hot eh ? :biggrin Or maybe in Jacob's heart he knew the type of woman Rachel was and her role in his life would be God sent. ( maybe Yahweh put that into Jacob's heart ). Also Yahweh may have placed the same thing on Rachel's heart. Also Leah's part in mothering Rueben, Simeon, Levi, Judah , Issachar and Zebulun and Dinah was possibly the reason Laban had on his heart to not see his youngest daughter marry before the eldest. imo Anyways maybe the arranged marriages were arranged by Yahweh more than anyone else what do you think ?

I'm with you on this. God's plan was for a nation that would come from the line of Jacob. Therefore, it could not have been any other way than through Jacob's marriages. I believe it was God who made it all happen just the way it did.
I think it's interesting that it was the jealousy of Leah's sons towards Jacob's love for Joseph, Rachel's son, that put many other things in motion that were also in God's plan.

 

[Edward]

If you can trust each other. The signs will be there before the marriage. It doesn't matter if one would hurt the others feelings...if what they speak is the truth. In that way, they will know that at least they can trust what comes out of the others mouth.

I will not lie to dodge an argument or because I may hurt their feelings. They need to know what they are really dealing with in the circumstance.

Everything else can be dealt with and worked on/prayed through, but first, there must be honesty. :yes

 

[Kathi]

It must have been a shock for your husband to find a man in your bed too!

That man was my husband...newly married.You get it?

 

[Kathi]

What attracts couples?Is it an attractive person on the outside?I'd like to get to know you? Or... is it the person who you have been friends with for years.Never really paid alot of attention to their looks but loved them on the inside.You discover..I think I have deeper feelings for this person.Can you trust the person who is very,very nice looking on the outside?

 

[Edward]

What attracts couples?Is it an attractive person on the outside?I'd like to get to know you? Or... is it the person who you have been friends with for years.Never really paid alot of attention to their looks but loved them on the inside.You discover..I think I have deeper feelings for this person.Can you trust the person who is very,very nice looking on the outside?

That's a deep question, and to answer it is dangerous territory in that it may make one appear as if they looked at the world in a sexist or too generalized way. But personally...(uh-oh)...based on experience...the very very nice looking girl may indeed be harder to trust than one who is more the cinderella type.

 

[Edward]

What attracts couples?Is it an attractive person on the outside?I'd like to get to know you? Or... is it the person who you have been friends with for years.Never really paid alot of attention to their looks but loved them on the inside.You discover..I think I have deeper feelings for this person.Can you trust the person who is very,very nice looking on the outside?

I think that they first attraction is usually the attractiveness, and after that, it is easy to fall in love with the person as a whole, their heart and character, as you get to know them.

 

[His_nee (Jeff)]

"fall in love" is so american, so western, and so wrong. "be in love" , "choose to love" , "operate in (Christ's) Love", is totally better in line with all of Scripture, I think.

 

[His_nee (Jeff)]

What do you think a man and a woman must know about each other before they get married?

uhmmmm...... where the zipper is ?

 

[Deborah13]

What attracts couples?Is it an attractive person on the outside?I'd like to get to know you? Or... is it the person who you have been friends with for years.Never really paid alot of attention to their looks but loved them on the inside.You discover..I think I have deeper feelings for this person.Can you trust the person who is very,very nice looking on the outside?

You know, about 25 yrs. ago the father of my son's good friend said something along the lines of what you are addressing. He said that young men are attracted to what pleases their eye, whether it is a blond, or big brown eyes, or a good figure. He said we are fools when we are young. This man was fortunate in that he had chosen both, his wife pleased his eye and she is a wonderful person inside. But he was considering his son's choices.
I think young woman can be just as deceived when picking a mate.
I think that a perfect marriage is when one has it all. But many people would never marry if they want perfection.

Can you trust someone who is very good looking on the outside? Sure you can, their faithfulness is not determined by how they look on the outside but how they are on the inside.

 

[Kathi]

That's a deep question, and to answer it is dangerous territory in that it may make one appear as if they looked at the world in a sexist or too generalized way. But personally...(uh-oh)...based on experience...the very very nice looking girl may indeed be harder to trust than one who is more the cinderella type.

What is the difference in the very very nice looking girl and the Cinderella type?

 

[Kathi]

You know, about 25 yrs. ago the father of my son's good friend said something along the lines of what you are addressing. He said that young men are attracted to what pleases their eye, whether it is a blond, or big brown eyes, or a good figure. He said we are fools when we are young. This man was fortunate in that he had chosen both, his wife pleased his eye and she is a wonderful person inside. But he was considering his son's choices.
I think young woman can be just as deceived when picking a mate.
I think that a perfect marriage is when one has it all. But many people would never marry if they want perfection.

Can you trust someone who is very good looking on the outside? Sure you can, their faithfulness is not determined by how they look on the outside but how they are on the inside.

Is someone who is very,very attractive on the outside very self centered and vain?I think that God Blesses those who are very,very attractive on the outside.But my mother used to say "Don't judge a book by its cover".