A Christian and an atheist in love, in need of potential advice?

[theLords]

hey again thelords

you're right that i don't want to inadvertently hurt her while trying to help her and i've already told her that i won't keep trying to reason it to being ok. i know this is something that she needs to come to terms with herself and i can merely be as supportive as i can along the way. but i also said that i wouldn't stop fighting for her... and at this point i can't :S

i know that i can't speak for her but if she can show even half the amount of understanding for our kids as she can for me then i think she'd be ok. that's of course assuming our kids don't decide to be christian ;) but if she ever told me that she would be devastated if our kids weren't christian then... i suppose i'd have to make an exception =\ but i'm sure you'd agree that it's better for someone (anyone, my kids or elsewise) to decide to become a christian or an atheist or a buddhist or whatever rather than to be indoctrinated into one? i think that's the upbringing i'd want to give my kids even if jan were an atheist. and i'd be 100% supportive of whatever they chose.

Well, I suppose part of the problem here is she was wrong to date you from the very beginning she was ignoring God's advice. To quote Elvin Bishop she, "Fooled around and fell in love," and now here you are...

I as a Christian had a very strict criteria to protect myself from the current painful predicament you two are in. "Are you a Christian?" "No." "Then sorry I cannot go out with you."

Now, you two are head over heels, and I know what that's like, so you have my deepest condolences.

As far as the kids go, we as Christians don't indoctrinate our kids, we simply do our best to raise them according to God's laws and commands. We pray for them hoping that they will see the light. My parents prayers had ALOT to do with the reason I turned to the Lord and became a Christian.

It's very painful for us to experience our loved ones rejecting Christ.

You two have two conflicting belief and value systems. It's kind of like trying to mix oil and water.

Who knows what God's will is in the matter. You may return to this site in the future, shouting, "I've seen the Light! and His name is Jesus Christ!" :D

 

[Alabaster]

For the girlfriend:

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 The Message

14-18Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way:

"I'll live in them, move into them;
I'll be their God and they'll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;
leave it for good," says God.
"Don't link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I'll be a Father to you;
you'll be sons and daughters to me."
The Word of the Master, God.

Hebrews 3:12-19 NLT

12 Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. 13 You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,†so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. 14 For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. 15 Remember what it says:
“Today when you hear his voice,
don’t harden your hearts
as Israel did when they rebelled.†16 And who was it who rebelled against God, even though they heard his voice? Wasn’t it the people Moses led out of Egypt? 17 And who made God angry for forty years? Wasn’t it the people who sinned, whose corpses lay in the wilderness? 18 And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? 19 So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest.

 

[FreshFTG]

Well, I suppose part of the problem here is she was wrong to date you from the very beginning she was ignoring God's advice. To quote Elvin Bishop she, "Fooled around and fell in love," and now here you are...

I as a Christian had a very strict criteria to protect myself from the current painful predicament you two are in. "Are you a Christian?" "No." "Then sorry I cannot go out with you."

Now, you two are head over heels, and I know what that's like, so you have my deepest condolences.

As far as the kids go, we as Christians don't indoctrinate our kids, we simply do our best to raise them according to God's laws and commands. We pray for them hoping that they will see the light. My parents prayers had ALOT to do with the reason I turned to the Lord and became a Christian.

It's very painful for us to experience our loved ones rejecting Christ.

You two have two conflicting belief and value systems. It's kind of like trying to mix oil and water.

Who knows what God's will is in the matter. You may return to this site in the future, shouting, "I've seen the Light! and His name is Jesus Christ!" :D

yes and i think she knows that, i know that she was hoping to be able to convert me to christianity in some way during our relationship. she knew that i was an atheist long before we fell for each other and maybe it was a failing on my part that i didn't let her know just how strict of an atheist i was. but then i never knew i was going to fall for her and i didn't know we'd have this problem =\

well the problem is that children in extremely impressionable and even if you don't call it indoctrination if you bring up a child to believe certain things are true i think you'll find it's very well demonstrated that it's going to stick, and it may well stick for good... that's why i'm very cautious about what age i'd like to talk to my children about religion, too young and it's indoctrination (even with the broad exposure to other religions) and too old and i'm being hypocritical by letting them be unknowingly atheists for too long. it's a fine line, but it's something i would like to do regardless of the religion of my partner. i think true freedom of choice on the matter is a great gift to give to a child: encouragement to ask questions and be investigative until coming to a decision that they and only they have made, and then to be completely supportive of that decision.

but i don't think it's like mixing oil and water, we get along perfectly in every possible way including religion. the only problem is the rule that says she's not allowed to technically be with me. if that weren't there i think i would have given her an engagement ring already ;) there are no other religious problems at play. children is another matter but we'll get there in time (well, hopefully). i think people may be underestimating the extent of each others understanding for the other or our ability to discuss important issues with a cool head. if that Paul guy hadn't supposedly spoken those troubling words i wouldn't be here ;)

i know you guys and girls all wish i'd become a christian ;) if it were possible i might even consider it just for her. but as i said to handy, asking me to believe in God is the same me asking you to believe in Odin ;) not only out of the question but impossible even if you wanted to!

thank you again for your replies thelords i do appreciate your opinions and insights.

 

[FreshFTG]

Re: For the girlfriend:

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 The Message

14-18Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way:

"I'll live in them, move into them;
I'll be their God and they'll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;
leave it for good," says God.
"Don't link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I'll be a Father to you;
you'll be sons and daughters to me."
The Word of the Master, God.

Hebrews 3:12-19 NLT

12 Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. 13 You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. 14 For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. 15 Remember what it says:
“Today when you hear his voice,
don’t harden your hearts
as Israel did when they rebelled.” 16 And who was it who rebelled against God, even though they heard his voice? Wasn’t it the people Moses led out of Egypt? 17 And who made God angry for forty years? Wasn’t it the people who sinned, whose corpses lay in the wilderness? 18 And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? 19 So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest.

yes we know about these, it's the whole reason there's a problem o.O also what bible is this from? it looks very different from the others i've seen. too... new english.

*EDIT also i find it interesting that these passages try to indicate that atheists are evil (darkness, belial etc), and i'm curious as to why. making a sweeping discriminatory claim isn't actually helping anyones cause.

 

[Alabaster]

Re: For the girlfriend:

yes we know about these, it's the whole reason there's a problem o.O

The reason there is a problem is that one person has embarked on a relationship in rebellion to God's will.

*EDIT also i find it interesting that these passages try to indicate that atheists are evil (darkness, belial etc), and i'm curious as to why. making a sweeping discriminatory claim isn't actually helping anyones cause.

The message brought home should be that God takes this very seriously.

 

[FreshFTG]

Re: For the girlfriend:

The reason there is a problem is that one person has embarked on a relationship in rebellion to God's will.



The message brought home should be that God takes this very seriously.

i presume you're talking about me being rebellious? if so then you don't understand atheism. and no thats not the reason there's a problem -.-

and i take discrimination very seriously, God is discriminatory and therefore, should he exist, we have a disagreement.

topic is being sidetracked though so i'm gonna stop replying to you.

alabaster your posts are very disjointed and don't make a lot of sense i'm afraid.

 

[Alabaster]

Re: For the girlfriend:

i presume you're talking about me being rebellious? if so then you don't understand atheism. and no thats not the reason there's a problem -.-

Your girlfriend is in rebellion, friend. That is the nature of the problem you are facing.

alabaster your posts are very disjointed and don't make a lot of sense i'm afraid.

No they aren't. They make great sense. Yours is a mere excuse to avoid discussing this.

God is up for the fight you are declaring openly for the heart of one who belongs to Jesus Christ. My prayers are on behalf of her, that she will return to her first love---Jesus.

 

[jasoncran]

yes and i think she knows that, i know that she was hoping to be able to convert me to christianity in some way during our relationship. she knew that i was an atheist long before we fell for each other and maybe it was a failing on my part that i didn't let her know just how strict of an atheist i was. but then i never knew i was going to fall for her and i didn't know we'd have this problem =\

well the problem is that children in extremely impressionable and even if you don't call it indoctrination if you bring up a child to believe certain things are true i think you'll find it's very well demonstrated that it's going to stick, and it may well stick for good... that's why i'm very cautious about what age i'd like to talk to my children about religion, too young and it's indoctrination (even with the broad exposure to other religions) and too old and i'm being hypocritical by letting them be unknowingly atheists for too long. it's a fine line, but it's something i would like to do regardless of the religion of my partner. i think true freedom of choice on the matter is a great gift to give to a child: encouragement to ask questions and be investigative until coming to a decision that they and only they have made, and then to be completely supportive of that decision.

but i don't think it's like mixing oil and water, we get along perfectly in every possible way including religion. the only problem is the rule that says she's not allowed to technically be with me. if that weren't there i think i would have given her an engagement ring already ;) there are no other religious problems at play. children is another matter but we'll get there in time (well, hopefully). i think people may be underestimating the extent of each others understanding for the other or our ability to discuss important issues with a cool head. if that Paul guy hadn't supposedly spoken those troubling words i wouldn't be here ;)

i know you guys and girls all wish i'd become a christian ;) if it were possible i might even consider it just for her. but as i said to handy, asking me to believe in God is the same me asking you to believe in Odin ;) not only out of the question but impossible even if you wanted to!

thank you again for your replies thelords i do appreciate your opinions and insights.

what if in said marriage she says honey my pastor taught on tithing and i want to tithe. what then?
or what of also she says i dont want to watch the show supernatural as they are so hedonistic and it offends me.
or tv shows you like because they use the lord's name in vain
or she teaches your kids that pre-marital sex is wrong
or that she believes in the literal account of genesis and you dont obviously

or that abortion is wrong, and you dont think it is.

 

[FreshFTG]

what if in said marriage she says honey my pastor taught on tithing and i want to tithe. what then?
or what of also she says i dont want to watch the show supernatural as they are so hedonistic and it offends me.
or tv shows you like because they use the lord's name in vain
or she teaches your kids that pre-marital sex is wrong
or that she believes in the literal account of genesis and you dont obviously

or that abortion is wrong, and you dont think it is.

hey there jason thanks for chipping in.

what if in said marriage she says honey my pastor taught on tithing and i want to tithe. what then?

i probably wouldn't pay a tithe to the church but if she feels obliged to i won't stop her. she's probably gonna be earning more than me as a lawyer than i would as a VFX artist anyways! ;)

or what of also she says i dont want to watch the show supernatural as they are so hedonistic and it offends me.
or tv shows you like because they use the lord's name in vain

a good example would be true blood, well if it were actually on tv (not that i really watch it) i would happily switch to something else or turn it off altogether and watch true blood on my computer, with headphones when she is busy with other things.

or she teaches your kids that pre-marital sex is wrong

honestly that's a pretty good rule even without the religious connotations. it's not *wrong* per se in my books but it certainly isn't advisable. and if i have daughters then i'm fine telling them it's wrong :P

or that she believes in the literal account of genesis and you dont obviously

that's fine, i've already said that we have a very good acceptance of each others beliefs or lack of them. i understand why she has faith and i'm ok with that. what i think about the universe doesn't need to affect her.

*edit. forgot abortion: you can't classify into such black and white terms. to do so would be inhumane. what about the girl who got brutally raped and fell pregnant from it? would you prefer to force her to have a child she doesn't want, to bring a child into the world with no father, a mother who doesn't want the child and is incapable of raising the child? that child will in most cases not lead a happy, productive life. but at the same time people who have sex for the heck of it and the girl fell pregnant? well that's what happens when you have sex it's what it's for :P so then abortion becomes a lot more wrong. but to try and say it's right or wrong in all cases would simply be inhumane. the bible i don't think says anything about abortion either since i doubt the procedure was around back then (i could be wrong).

 

[jasoncran]

hey there jason thanks for chipping in.


i probably wouldn't pay a tithe to the church but if she feels obliged to i won't stop her. she's probably gonna be earning more than me as a lawyer than i would as a VFX artist anyways! ;)


a good example would be true blood, well if it were actually on tv (not that i really watch it) i would happily switch to something else or turn it off altogether and watch true blood on my computer, with headphones when she is busy with other things.


honestly that's a pretty good rule even without the religious connotations. it's not *wrong* per se in my books but it certainly isn't advisable. and if i have daughters then i'm fine telling them it's wrong :P


that's fine, i've already said that we have a very good acceptance of each others beliefs or lack of them. i understand why she has faith and i'm ok with that. what i think about the universe doesn't need to affect her.

oh but it will, you cant be that unevenly yoked.i dated a catholic who was so liberal, she believed in abortion(pro-choice), not being ashamed of are bodies etc, and also was agianst corporal punishment.

i was an onfire christian who didnt believe in pre-marital sex(though i made the mistake of "christian sex") and that brought alot of problems.

she wanted the full deal and tempted me to sin. finally we broke up. and i dont miss her at all.sure it took a while.

i'm currently in this unevenly yoked marriage.
cant tithe as my wife would fight me so bad,
she is into the occult, i hate the occult as i have been set free
she doenst read the bible.

how much more so if we walked together could we do for the lord?

alot!

she tries to get me to get back into the occult at times(she only watches the stupid shows such as Ghost whisperers, the afformentioned supernatural)

in fact i was pondering what i would buy her for christmas and the thought of buying a season of the devil honoring shows made me sick.

i love my wife but it has been no cake walk. i wont divorce her as i wanted to but the lord stopped me.

if i knew this would be the way it was to be. i wouldnt have married her.
i hate to say that but its the truth. there more to this then just as i have stated.

and as alabaster has said that part of the fact you gf is christians attracts you,my wife says the same about me. she loves that stuff.

alot of Good it does.

 

[jasoncran]

*edit. forgot abortion: you can't classify into such black and white terms. to do so would be inhumane. what about the girl who got brutally raped and fell pregnant from it? would you prefer to force her to have a child she doesn't want, to bring a child into the world with no father, a mother who doesn't want the child and is incapable of raising the child? that child will in most cases not lead a happy, productive life. but at the same time people who have sex for the heck of it and the girl fell pregnant? well that's what happens when you have sex it's what it's for :P so then abortion becomes a lot more wrong. but to try and say it's right or wrong in all cases would simply be inhumane. the bible i don't think says anything about abortion either since i doubt the procedure was around back then (i could be wrong).

the actress nell carter was raped and had her child and she is about my age.many women who have been raped have carried to term.

and that is only .0001% of all abortions! all others is whoops i got pregnant, and even if they desire not to keep the kid what about the idea of adoption?

now then lets not deviate into abortion here.

 

[FreshFTG]

oh but it will, you cant be that unevenly yoked.i dated a catholic who was so liberal, she believed in abortion(pro-choice), not being ashamed of are bodies etc, and also was agianst corporal punishment.

i was an onfire christian who didnt believe in pre-marital sex(though i made the mistake of "christian sex") and that brought alot of problems.

she wanted the full deal and tempted me to sin. finally we broke up. and i dont miss her at all.sure it took a while.

i'm currently in this unevenly yoked marriage.
cant tithe as my wife would fight me so bad,
she is into the occult, i hate the occult as i have been set free
she doenst read the bible.

how much more so if we walked together could we do for the lord?

alot!

she tries to get me to get back into the occult at times(she only watches the stupid shows such as Ghost whisperers, the afformentioned supernatural)

in fact i was pondering what i would buy her for christmas and the thought of buying a season of the devil honoring shows made me sick.

i love my wife but it has been no cake walk. i wont divorce her as i wanted to but the lord stopped me.

if i knew this would be the way it was to be. i wouldnt have married her.
i hate to say that but its the truth. there more to this then just as i have stated.

and as alabaster has said that part of the fact you gf is christians attracts you,my wife says the same about me. she loves that stuff.

alot of Good it does.

but you can't say for sure that it will. personal experience doesn't equal everyone else's experience. suppositions and predictions don't result in the future. as i said before i have found many happy atheist/christian marriages and both parties stand to learn a lot from it. as difficult as it may be, it can be equally rewarding.

just to clarify i am actually virgin and have every intention of waiting to marry jan first because that is what she feels is right. my rule would be no sex before love but since her rule extends longer than mine hers wins ;)

actually alabaster had a nonsensical reason for why religion had attracted me to her. the real reason as i've said is that religion has given her an opportunity to show an acceptance and tolerance for me that would be present otherwise and i have been given the challenge to do the same. (by challenge i don't mean it's difficult, it's surprisingly natural).

i am sorry you are troubled by your marriage jason

 

[FreshFTG]

*edit. forgot abortion: you can't classify into such black and white terms. to do so would be inhumane. what about the girl who got brutally raped and fell pregnant from it? would you prefer to force her to have a child she doesn't want, to bring a child into the world with no father, a mother who doesn't want the child and is incapable of raising the child? that child will in most cases not lead a happy, productive life. but at the same time people who have sex for the heck of it and the girl fell pregnant? well that's what happens when you have sex it's what it's for :P so then abortion becomes a lot more wrong. but to try and say it's right or wrong in all cases would simply be inhumane. the bible i don't think says anything about abortion either since i doubt the procedure was around back then (i could be wrong).

the actress nell carter was raped and had her child and she is about my age.many women who have been raped have carried to term.

and that is only .0001% of all abortions! all others is whoops i got pregnant, and even if they desire not to keep the kid what about the idea of adoption?

now then lets not deviate into abortion here.

i'll agree not to deviate i just want to quickly reply:

i am sure that some victims of rape could have the child and have that child result in a wonderful person, but i think the vast majority could not if your statistic is right then yes it sucks, but it's still inhumane to throw all abortion cases under one light. there needs to be that ability for exceptions.

*mods can delete it though if they feel it's necessary i don't mind

 

[jasoncran]

but you can't say for sure that it will. personal experience doesn't equal everyone else's experience. suppositions and predictions don't result in the future. as i said before i have found many happy atheist/christian marriages and both parties stand to learn a lot from it. as difficult as it may be, it can be equally rewarding.

just to clarify i am actually virgin and have every intention of waiting to marry jan first because that is what she feels is right. my rule would be no sex before love but since her rule extends longer than mine hers wins ;)

actually alabaster had a nonsensical reason for why religion had attracted me to her. the real reason as i've said is that religion has given her an opportunity to show an acceptance and tolerance for me that would be present otherwise and i have been given the challenge to do the same. (by challenge i don't mean it's difficult, it's surprisingly natural).

i am sorry you are troubled by your marriage jason

i have been a christian for 15 yrs. and it has and always will.

you cant tell me that it wont. sure some may somehow last but its often the christian walks away from the lord.

i had a friend in church who prayed for her husband for yrs. he wasnt a bad person but didnt love God and also pulled her from church. they finally divorced.

they were married for over ten yrs.

 

[jasoncran]

i'll agree not to deviate i want to quickly reply:

i am sure that some victims of rape could have the child and have that child result in a wonderful person, but i think the vast majority could not if your statistic is right then yes it sucks, but it's still inhumane to throw all abortion cases under one light. there needs to be that ability for exceptions.

dont assume that the pro-lifers dont have acceptions but its as only as last resort.

nuff said. and its more that do keep them then abort.

 

[FreshFTG]

i have been a christian for 15 yrs. and it has and always will.

you cant tell me that it wont. sure some may somehow last but its often the christian walks away from the lord.

i had a friend in church who prayed for her husband for yrs. he wasnt a bad person but didnt love God and also pulled her from church. they finally divorced.

they were married for over ten yrs.

but i don't think either of you necessarily need to deviate from your views in order to make it work. if you are accepting enough you will both be able to do it. the idea that one has to change in some measure for the other is incorrect. it may happen, but it doesn't have to happen. the only exception is that particular verse that makes it a rule not to be with atheists. if that weren't there (and in my opinion there's no reason for it to be there, but just my opinion) there would be no issue.

however i'm going to bid you all goodnight for the moment, 2:30am in cape town and what am i doing? sitting on a christian forum :D who'd have thought ;) thank you to those who gave constructive input today!

 

[jasoncran]

but i don't think either of you necessarily need to deviate from your views in order to make it work. if you are accepting enough you will both be able to do it. the idea that one has to change in some measure for the other is incorrect. it may happen, but it doesn't have to happen. the only exception is that particular verse that makes it a rule not to be with atheists. if that weren't there (and in my opinion there's no reason for it to be there, but just my opinion) there would be no issue.

however i'm going to bid you all goodnight for the moment, 2:30am in cape town and what am i doing? sitting on a christian forum :D who'd have thought ;) thank you to those who gave constructive input today!

the wife is to submit in certain matters. if the husband isnt a believer and the wife has need of spiritual advice where does she go? the pastor or you?
biblically the husband first!

that is what the husband does, lead the house in that matter.

 

[Alabaster]

but you can't say for sure that it will. personal experience doesn't equal everyone else's experience. suppositions and predictions don't result in the future. as i said before i have found many happy atheist/christian marriages and both parties stand to learn a lot from it. as difficult as it may be, it can be equally rewarding.

There are many (too many) unequal marriages and only some do well, either because the Christian succumbs to pressure and renounces his or her faith, or the believer makes a stand that God is first, which the unbeliever accepts. Why take that chance? There shouldn't be terrible odds against you from the beginning---that's a definite clue that it is wrong.

There are unequal marriages where one has received salvation while already married. Scripture discusses this and what can be done. But the scriptures are CLEAR that people must not partner up with unbelievers, and that includes dating.

actually alabaster had a nonsensical reason for why religion had attracted me to her. the real reason as i've said is that religion has given her an opportunity to show an acceptance and tolerance for me that would be present otherwise and i have been given the challenge to do the same. (by challenge i don't mean it's difficult, it's surprisingly natural).

It isn't religion. It is the aroma of Christ that attracted you.

2 Corinthians 2:14b-16 NLT
Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. 15 Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing. 16 To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume.

We can only hope and pray that you are being led to Christ.

 

[Alabaster]

but i don't think either of you necessarily need to deviate from your views in order to make it work. if you are accepting enough you will both be able to do it. the idea that one has to change in some measure for the other is incorrect. it may happen, but it doesn't have to happen. the only exception is that particular verse that makes it a rule not to be with atheists. if that weren't there (and in my opinion there's no reason for it to be there, but just my opinion) there would be no issue.

But it is there. You aren't expected to obey it, but Jan is.

however i'm going to bid you all goodnight for the moment, 2:30am in cape town and what am i doing? sitting on a christian forum :D who'd have thought ;) thank you to those who gave constructive input today!

Look up Floyd and Sally McClung in Cape Town and their All Nations ministry at Ocean View. We send a large delegation to Capetown every year. I hope to go next year.

All Nations, Cape Town | Home
Floyd & Sally McClung - Training Leaders. Making Disciples. Planting Churches. Spreading the Worship of Jesus to All Nations

 

[Mike]

As I said from the beginning, the wrong person is engaging in this thread. It's perfectly understandable that nothing said would convict you from the perspective of an atheist. I'm curious if you are an atheist in the strict sense of the word or if you are more agnostic. You don't have to answer that. It's more of a rhetorical question.

All of these issues appear to be minimal speed bumps before you are in a committed marriage, but they can and probably will be much more significant than you believe. This is the same problem that couple experience who have lived together prior to marriage. There is a real difference before and after everything they do impacts you personally. What sent up another flag was your comment that she can tithe if she wants, but you will not. Is this to suggest you'll be having separate finances even if and when you're married? Surely, her financial decisions will impact you. All this is hypothetical, because it isn't known if she will feel lead to tithe. But, even from a secular POV, you don't see the inherent problems with this approach?

All these words are going to be lost on someone who dismisses scripture, faith and God. And no one could expect anything different. I'm curious, now that you've had a sample of responses. Did you expect anything different? Did you think that posing this on a Christian forum would elicit some degree of affirmation?