Hi everyone, Freddy here. Sorry that I haven't been showing up in this thread lately but there are just soo many things that are being discussed I can't really answer everyone. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who is helping me answer the questions. RND you seem like a nice person but your posts are extremely long and I can't bring myself to answer them all, though I welcome all your views.
Jojo PM'd me her question so I might as well post my reply in here too in case anyone wants to add anything:
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Hi Jojo, nice to meet you too
I'll try to answer your post in chronological order for simplicity's sake.
When you say, "devout, practising Christian," do you mean you had a personal relationship with Jesus? And if so, what turned you away from loving him anymore?
Yes, I did have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, in the sense that I would pray to Him several times a day whenever I needed His help, and would pray at random times just to thank Him for everything he'd done for me. I also attended church every Sunday and was an altar boy. I would sometimes attend during the week when I had free time. I also participated in church activities, fundraisers, camps, etc. In every sense of the word, I was a devout Christian.
It wasn't so much that I didn't love Him anymore, just that it occurred to me that the whole idea of having faith in the Bible, as nice as it sounded, felt like a very faulty ideology to me. Everything I learned about God came from a single unverifiable source that was passed down from word of mouth (the Word of the Lord, as it is so often called). The only reason I had impenetrable faith in my religion was because I was repeatedly told to do so as a child. The more I tried to believe, the less I actually did. I looked at the world from the point of view of an atheist, and it seemed much more plausible.
I know that from the Christian point of view, it would seem that I left my faith because I wanted answers and couldn't find them in the Bible. This wasn't the case, I just happened to connect the dots and study history only to see Christianity from a different point of view. While it seemed like a nice idea, I personally had no belief in the story anymore.
Now I'm not saying this to undermine you or any other Christian, but that was what worked for me. It could very well be that there is truly a God, and that Jesus is really His son, but at a certain point all I saw was a charade, a ritual that kept society in place.
I am very sorry to hear about you being diagnosed with cancer. I know chemotherapy can be extremely debilitating and can really give you time to think things over. I know because my son was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 (lymphoma in the form of an aggressive chest tumor) and it almost killed him. He was not a Christian, not in practice or belief. In fact, as he told me just last year, he was delving into satanism. Although I raised my son to know Christ, he never had a personal relationship with Him. But last year, on a missions trip, my son accepted Jesus and began His personal walk with Him. He told me, "Mom, if I had died when I had cancer, I would have gone to hell." (Thank the Lord my son remains in full remission today)
I am truly happy to hear about your son's recovery. He seems to have taken it very well, and though I never really knew him a part of me is proud of him. And I'm happy that he is happy.
The fact that he was considering satanism, to me, was a sign of resentment. He was very displeased that such a loving God would choose to give him such a brutal illness. "Why me?" he probably asked himself several times. A perfectly normal reaction to such a callous twist of fate.
I was not like your son though (although I did have lymphoma). When I received the news, I saw it as a challenge, a test from God to see how I would react to having my world turned upside down. Part of me was actually excited because I could finally prove myself to Him. It wasn't until after the cancer that I had chosen not to believe. And it made me a lot happier. My once confused mind was now at peace. I could finally accept myself for who I was.
Your son chose to follow Christ even after his state of resentment, and for that I salute him. It demonstrates very strong character.
Oh Freddy, if only I could share the love of Christ with you. I have experienced His love in so many ways and in so many depths. It wasn't Ra or Zeus (sorry if those weren't your examples) that spoke to me when my son was in ICU. It wasn't any other god that surrounded me with his presence and said, "Your son will live." Those are only two examples because no forum is large enough for me to express all of the love I've received from He who is Love Himself.
Tonight I will talk to my Lord about you if you don't mind. And even if you do, I would not be able to stop myself. I will probably never meet you in person, but if there is some slim chance that I could meet you in the afterlife, I would love to (and introduce you to my son).
I'm flattered that you would be willing to take the time to pray for me, a person you have never even met. I don't mind at all.
I might sound a bit offensive if I talk about this next part, but please remember this is only my view and not what I think you should believe.
I believe that the human mind needs comfort in order to remain stable. I think religion is a byproduct of that unquenchable thirst for stability. When you say that you experienced His love in many ways, I think that's because you wanted to believe that everything would be alright, that God was taking good care of your son. The feeling is so strong that you probably dreamed entire conversations with God (as I have). It is so strong that, anytime something favourable happened, you would attribute it to divine intervention (as did I).
A human's greatest fear is death. We are so afraid of death, that our minds consider the idea of there being "more" to life after we die. We cannot cope with the idea that everything ends. Humans, Christians and non-Christians from around the world and throughout history, have always considered the idea of an afterlife. It is the ultimate comfort. It brings us motivation and meaning. It gives us a purpose in life.
While you may very well be right and I may very well be delusional, that remains my view. While I find religion fascinating and beautiful, I can't bring myself to seriously believe in scripture.
Anyway, I hope this post hasn't offended you Jojo, because that really isn't my intent. I just wanted to share ideas and present my views. I hope your son is doing well and that your family is still financially healthy after his episode.
Take good care of yourselves!
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Jojo if you would like me to remove this response from the public feel free to PM me.