How exactly is Divorce without cause and remarriage NOT ADULTERY?

[GodsGrace]

This looks like two separate questions.
To the first, Scripture tells us to seek reconciliation. I don't see anywhere where Scripture puts a time limit on that effort. Also, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 seem to be quite clear.

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

To the second, who of us can determine if another is a non-believer unless they tell us themselves? If we marry a non-believer, are we not going against 2 Corinthians 6:14?

Yes. You're right...the unbelieving partner would have to declare that they are not believers but made the spouse think so up until they were married.

Can I ask you the same question I asked Free?
You say that nowhere in scripture is there a time limit for attempts at reconciliation.
1Corinthians 7:10-11

How does Paul attain different information regarding marriage than that given by Jesus?

 

[Papyrus_dust]

Question: "What is the biblical perspective on domestic violence?"

Answer: Domestic violence is narrowly defined as an act or threatened act of violence upon someone with whom the perpetrator is or has previously been in intimate relationship. The term domestic violence often brings to mind the concept of the “battered wife” or perhaps a married couple’s verbal argument escalating into physical assault. Domestic violence is also commonly linked to child abuse. Even if the children are not physically injured, watching or hearing a parent being abused can have severe psychological implications.

Domestic violence is about power and control. Though the term violence has physical connotations, domestic violence or abuse can occur in non-physical ways. For instance, abusers may manipulate their victims through emotional or economic means. Verbal abuse and sexual abuse are other forms. A person of any age, gender, socio-economic class, education level, or religion can be impacted by domestic violence.

Domestic abuse can be viewed in terms of a “cycle of violence.” Tension builds; the victim attempts to keep the abuser mollified; but, eventually, an incident occurs. The abuser apologizes and attempts to make it up to the victim, perhaps by promising it will never occur again or by lavishing the victim with gifts. Then comes a period of calm before the tension begins to build again. The stages of this cycle may take only minutes or may develop over years. Without intervention, the periods of “making up” and “calm” often disappear.

Domestic violence is in stark opposition to God’s plan for families. Genesis 1 and 2 depict marriage as a one-flesh, helping relationship. Ephesians 5:21 talks about mutual submission. Ephesians 5:22–24 explains a wife’s submissiveness to her husband, while verses 25–33 talk about a husband’s self-sacrificial love for his wife. First Peter 3:1–7 gives similar instructions. First Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” The two belong to one another and are called to love one another as Christ loved us. Marriage is an image of Christ and the Church. Domestic violence is a far cry from the character of Jesus.

Domestic violence involving children is also condemned by God. Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” God entrusts parents with children, and those parents are to lovingly care for them and train them up. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (see also Colossians 3:21). Children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1–3), and discipline is important. But discipline is distinctly different from violence and abuse.

Following God involves serving others, not manipulating and controlling them. Jesus told His disciples, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26–28). His command to us is to “love one another” (John 13:34). Ephesians 5:1–2 says, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Christians are called to sacrificially love others, especially those in their own families.

Those who are currently in a domestic violence situation should do everything possible to get out safely. Often, the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is when she or he leaves. Contacting the police may be in order, or there may be other local resources available to help. In the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help with information and resources. Their number is 1-800-799-7233. They can also be found online at http://www.thehotline.org/ (NOTE: computer use can be monitored, so only visit these websites if the abuser has no way of tracking your online activity). When domestic violence is ongoing, safety is the first step.

Even after victims are physically safe and bodily wounds have healed, emotional and psychological scars run deep. Domestic violence can have severe spiritual implications as well. Victims may distrust God. Why would He allow such a thing to happen? Is He trustworthy? Does He really love me? Where was He when I was being abused? Walking through the healing process takes time. The emotional reaction to the situation must come. It is appropriate to express anger over the abuse. If we do not acknowledge the severity of the situation—the anger, the confusion, the hurt, the shame, etc.—we cannot heal from it. Too often, victims are prematurely hurried into forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiveness is the thing that will set a victim free. But true forgiveness cannot be extended if the scars of the abuse are not first acknowledged and dealt with. Victims of domestic violence will likely need the support of a well-trained Christian counselor to journey with them through the healing process.

We should not assume that abusers have no needs other than to stop abusing. There are likely unresolved issues that have led them to become abusive. If an abuser is willing to admit his or her culpability and desires help, there is hope. Again, Christian counseling can be of great value.

Each domestic violence story is different. The situations and people are so diverse that no one article can sufficiently handle the issue. However, generally speaking, marriage counseling is not an appropriate solution—at least not until all abuse has stopped, both parties have undergone individual counseling, and both parties desire reconciliation. The same would be true for family therapy. Children should never be put into an abusive situation or be expected to remain in one while an abuser learns godly parenting.

Domestic violence hurts the heart of God. He is not unmoved by its victims, nor has He abandoned them. His plan for human relationships—particularly those among family—is a beautiful depiction of who He is. Family is meant to reflect God’s love. It saddens Him when a home turns into a place of pain. God’s desire for those involved with domestic violence—both victims and abusers—is healing and wholeness.

Recommended Resource: No Place for Abuse: Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence by Catherine Clark Kroeger & Nancy Nason-Clark

 

[GodsGrace]

Question: "What is the biblical perspective on domestic violence?"

Answer: Domestic violence is narrowly defined as an act or threatened act of violence upon someone with whom the perpetrator is or has previously been in intimate relationship. The term domestic violence often brings to mind the concept of the “battered wife” or perhaps a married couple’s verbal argument escalating into physical assault. Domestic violence is also commonly linked to child abuse. Even if the children are not physically injured, watching or hearing a parent being abused can have severe psychological implications.

Domestic violence is about power and control. Though the term violence has physical connotations, domestic violence or abuse can occur in non-physical ways. For instance, abusers may manipulate their victims through emotional or economic means. Verbal abuse and sexual abuse are other forms. A person of any age, gender, socio-economic class, education level, or religion can be impacted by domestic violence.

Domestic abuse can be viewed in terms of a “cycle of violence.” Tension builds; the victim attempts to keep the abuser mollified; but, eventually, an incident occurs. The abuser apologizes and attempts to make it up to the victim, perhaps by promising it will never occur again or by lavishing the victim with gifts. Then comes a period of calm before the tension begins to build again. The stages of this cycle may take only minutes or may develop over years. Without intervention, the periods of “making up” and “calm” often disappear.

Domestic violence is in stark opposition to God’s plan for families. Genesis 1 and 2 depict marriage as a one-flesh, helping relationship. Ephesians 5:21 talks about mutual submission. Ephesians 5:22–24 explains a wife’s submissiveness to her husband, while verses 25–33 talk about a husband’s self-sacrificial love for his wife. First Peter 3:1–7 gives similar instructions. First Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” The two belong to one another and are called to love one another as Christ loved us. Marriage is an image of Christ and the Church. Domestic violence is a far cry from the character of Jesus.

Domestic violence involving children is also condemned by God. Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” God entrusts parents with children, and those parents are to lovingly care for them and train them up. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (see also Colossians 3:21). Children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1–3), and discipline is important. But discipline is distinctly different from violence and abuse.

Following God involves serving others, not manipulating and controlling them. Jesus told His disciples, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26–28). His command to us is to “love one another” (John 13:34). Ephesians 5:1–2 says, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Christians are called to sacrificially love others, especially those in their own families.

Those who are currently in a domestic violence situation should do everything possible to get out safely. Often, the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is when she or he leaves. Contacting the police may be in order, or there may be other local resources available to help. In the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help with information and resources. Their number is 1-800-799-7233. They can also be found online at http://www.thehotline.org/ (NOTE: computer use can be monitored, so only visit these websites if the abuser has no way of tracking your online activity). When domestic violence is ongoing, safety is the first step.

Even after victims are physically safe and bodily wounds have healed, emotional and psychological scars run deep. Domestic violence can have severe spiritual implications as well. Victims may distrust God. Why would He allow such a thing to happen? Is He trustworthy? Does He really love me? Where was He when I was being abused? Walking through the healing process takes time. The emotional reaction to the situation must come. It is appropriate to express anger over the abuse. If we do not acknowledge the severity of the situation—the anger, the confusion, the hurt, the shame, etc.—we cannot heal from it. Too often, victims are prematurely hurried into forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiveness is the thing that will set a victim free. But true forgiveness cannot be extended if the scars of the abuse are not first acknowledged and dealt with. Victims of domestic violence will likely need the support of a well-trained Christian counselor to journey with them through the healing process.

We should not assume that abusers have no needs other than to stop abusing. There are likely unresolved issues that have led them to become abusive. If an abuser is willing to admit his or her culpability and desires help, there is hope. Again, Christian counseling can be of great value.

Each domestic violence story is different. The situations and people are so diverse that no one article can sufficiently handle the issue. However, generally speaking, marriage counseling is not an appropriate solution—at least not until all abuse has stopped, both parties have undergone individual counseling, and both parties desire reconciliation. The same would be true for family therapy. Children should never be put into an abusive situation or be expected to remain in one while an abuser learns godly parenting.

Domestic violence hurts the heart of God. He is not unmoved by its victims, nor has He abandoned them. His plan for human relationships—particularly those among family—is a beautiful depiction of who He is. Family is meant to reflect God’s love. It saddens Him when a home turns into a place of pain. God’s desire for those involved with domestic violence—both victims and abusers—is healing and wholeness.

Recommended Resource: No Place for Abuse: Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence by Catherine Clark Kroeger & Nancy Nason-Clark

Another link.
Do you have any PERSONAL ideas or concepts or beliefs?
Everyone here could look up a link.

 

[Papyrus_dust]

This looks like two separate questions.
To the first, Scripture tells us to seek reconciliation. I don't see anywhere where Scripture puts a time limit on that effort. Also, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 seem to be quite clear.

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

To the second, who of us can determine if another is a non-believer unless they tell us themselves? If we marry a non-believer, are we not going against 2 Corinthians 6:14?

How do we know? Easy! The moment a man or woman in a marriage strikes their spouse.
The Biblical commands for a healthy marriage is one that is anointed by God. God didn't ordain spousal abuse. The moment a spouse abuses their spouse through physical violence against them, that abuser has proven they are an unbeliever in God's commands concerning the treatment of their spouse.

And to anyone who may be reading this and happened on this thread title through a search engine, if you are in a battered spouse marriage, and you're being beaten, GET OUT!
There isn't a scripture one in the Bible that tells you, thou shalt submit to being a spouses punching bag no matter what.
GET OUT! Call police. Press charges! And don't back down. Press charges! That arrest, conviction, time served, will be on that batterers permanent record forever! And now days men and women considering someone for a serious next step in their relationship, marriage, are often found doing background checks on that perspective future spouse. You could save someone else from what you suffered. Because that arrest for spousal abuse will show up on that check. If you make a complaint and then don't follow through, you drop the complaint, that looks bad on you. It makes it appear as if you weren't serious about holding your batterer accountable. And that can bite you later if you stay, are abused, call police and then want to press charges. Defense attorneys for a batterer will take all of those police records of complaint, or dropping of a complaint, and run with it. Just to get their client off.

Don't let it happen with you. If he or she is weak enough to think they have a right to beat you, be strong enough to hold them accountable all the way.
And pity anyone that tries to tell you even if you do leave a spouse that beats you that you are not able to remarry as long as they remain alive. Because that's just one more abuse that batterer will afford you from a distance. Holding you hostage to that marriage license that meant not one thing , not even in the covenant of God's ideal marriage, the moment your husband/wife beat you the first time.
GET OUT! Even if you're dating and someone hits you. Because if they'll beat you when you're dating, do you think it will get any better when you marry? Beating you is an act of control. The will to break your spirit. And make you submissive to their will through threat of their violent temper.

God knows you're worth more than that. And to the winds with anyone who tells you different.

 

[Free]

Matthew 5:32 in the NLT translates it as unfaithfulness rather than sexual immorality but of all the versions I researched, the NLT was the only one I found that used that terminology. At any rate, we also must contend with 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NKJV)
Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

Putting everything together it seems that the appropriate course of action when dealing with abuse or other issues is to separate (not divorce) and seek reconciliation. In a separation the couple are still married but living apart and can remain separated indefinitely. While separated, the goal would be to seek out reconciliation to save the marriage and if that includes learning to deal with anger then so be it. Engaging in another relationship while separated would be committing adultery and at that time, the spouse would have legitimate grounds for divorce.

I still think this misses the bigger picture of what marriage is--a covenant that is analogous to Christ and the Church, based on mutual love and respect. Abuse is a significant violation of that covenant. While I do agree in part with what you have written, it also misses the point that some who abuse have mental issues for which there can never be reconciliation. Not to mention there are many types of abuse--physical, psychological, emotional, sexual, and financial, for example.

How do you suggest one reconcile with a spouse who has sexually abused their children? Are they to always remain married? Or if the non-abuser divorces must we say that should never remarry, never seek love again, due to no fault of their own?

 

[Free]

We should remember that husbands and wives can both be guilty of abuse. When it comes to physical abuse, yes typically the man is most likely the abuser however when it comes to mental or emotional abuse wives can be just as devastating. Unfortunately, I can testify to that from personal experience on both sides of that equation.

Not quite. Women are just as likely as men to start physical abuse and they use it more often. Men just do more damage when they physically abuse so it seems like they do it more often.

Sorry that you have gone through that. I am currently helping someone close to me try and get through it, and out of it.

 

[Free]

Hi Free,
How do you suppose that Paul added something to what Jesus had said?
I'd like your thought on this. (highlighted above).

Well, clearly another condition was added to what Jesus said in the gospels. On the one hand, Paul wrote it, on the other hand, it was inspired, so ultimately Jesus said that as well.

 

[reba]

where the heck is the like button

 

[Papyrus_dust]

where the heck is the like button

In lieu of that there is always,

 

[Kidron]

There was a man, who had emotional problems.
Very violent temper.
He was married to a sweet woman, devout, who loved him with all her heart.
Over a period of 11 years, she went to the ER 14 times.
Broken nose.
Broken teeth.
Broken right arm.
3 Times for being found unconscious in the street.
On and on...
See, the husband was unhappy with a failed life and their difficult finances, so, he drank and beat his wife.
It was his relief from his stress, you see.
On day, the wife went to a local church and asked to see the pastor-bishop-pope-evangelist-minster.
She then had a long long counseling session, filled with tears, as she broke down while sharing her hurt and regret.
The pastor, bishop, minister, pope, evangelist, ...persuaded her not to leave him, because God would want her to remain faithful to her vow, and ...after all..,,,, "God does not allow divorce, except for fornication".

She then went home, and tried to explain to her waiting husband, why she was gone longer then expected.
Her husband became enraged that she would "expose their problems" to a "stranger", and he then savagely body slammed her, and kicked her to death.

So, im telling you, legalist, or idiot... = anyone who tries to use the bible to beat another believer.....
While God's word is black and white..... God's grace is Forever........eternal.

 

[Papyrus_dust]

There was a man, who had emotional problems.
Very violent temper.
He was married to a sweet woman, devout, who loved him with all her heart.
Over a period of 11 years, she went to the ER 14 times.
Broken nose.
Broken teeth.
Broken right arm.
3 Times for being found unconscious in the street.
On and on...
See, the husband was unhappy with a failed life and their difficult finances, so, he drank and beat his wife.
It was his relief from his stress, you see.
On day, the wife went to a local church and asked to see the pastor-bishop-pope-evangelist-minster.
She then had a long long counseling session, filled with tears, as she broke down while sharing her hurt and regret.
The pastor, bishop, minister, pope, evangelist, ...persuaded her not to leave him, because God would want her to remain faithful to her vow, and ...after all..,,,, "God does not allow divorce, except for fornication".

She then went home, and tried to explain to her waiting husband, why she was gone longer then expected.
Her husband became enraged that she would "expose their problems" to a "stranger", and he then savagely body slammed her, and kicked her to death.

So, im telling you, legalist, or idiot... = anyone who tries to use the bible to beat another believer.....
While God's word is black and white..... God's grace is Forever..

God's peace surrounds her now. God's grace can also reach her murderer husband. Even in prison.

Thank you for sharing that.

 

[GodsGrace]

Well, clearly another condition was added to what Jesus said in the gospels. On the one hand, Paul wrote it, on the other hand, it was inspired, so ultimately Jesus said that as well.

Sometimes I just wonder about inspired in some cases.
How about that maybe Paul spoke to the other Apostles (he was an Apostle of honor)
and they told him more things that Jesus said than is written down.

Anything as important as explaining to persons what God would want in a situation such as marriage MUST be a little more than inspired...

Inspired is one thing...
Issuing commands is quite something different.

My two cents.

 

[GodsGrace]

There was a man, who had emotional problems.
Very violent temper.
He was married to a sweet woman, devout, who loved him with all her heart.
Over a period of 11 years, she went to the ER 14 times.
Broken nose.
Broken teeth.
Broken right arm.
3 Times for being found unconscious in the street.
On and on...
See, the husband was unhappy with a failed life and their difficult finances, so, he drank and beat his wife.
It was his relief from his stress, you see.
On day, the wife went to a local church and asked to see the pastor-bishop-pope-evangelist-minster.
She then had a long long counseling session, filled with tears, as she broke down while sharing her hurt and regret.
The pastor, bishop, minister, pope, evangelist, ...persuaded her not to leave him, because God would want her to remain faithful to her vow, and ...after all..,,,, "God does not allow divorce, except for fornication".

She then went home, and tried to explain to her waiting husband, why she was gone longer then expected.
Her husband became enraged that she would "expose their problems" to a "stranger", and he then savagely body slammed her, and kicked her to death.

So, im telling you, legalist, or idiot... = anyone who tries to use the bible to beat another believer.....
While God's word is black and white..... God's grace is Forever........eternal.

Kidron,
I'm shocked that you would think anyone here is telling a spouse to stay in such a situation.
What I've heard from some is that RECONCILIATION SHOULD take place.
I'm more than sure that you know that reconciliation is a two way street and different from forgiveness.

What idiot would send a woman back to be battered some more?
You know a church like this?
I don't.

 

[Edward]

Right WIP.
Marriage is not a contract between two persons.
It's a covenant with God. God was present at the marriage of the two persons.
What God has joined together. let no one put assunder.
Mark 10:9

We will always be married to our first spouse, no matter what happens. Divorce does not exist in Christianity except when one of the two is unfaithful.

I also have a problem with this. What if a husband leaves a wife, a young wife and mother, is she to remain alone forever? If he is an unbelieving husband, she may remarry. Why? Because being an unbeliever he never made a covenant with God anyway.

A marriage is a very specific situation. The RCC allows annulments which means that the marriage never took place to begin with. It is NOT the dissolving of a marriage - the marriage never existed.

If, as reba mentioned, we understood better what marriage really is, perhaps persons would understand better what they're doing and the divorce rate would drop.

As far as husbands beating up their wives:
Does this sound like a covenant type husband? No.
I'd say that there was no marriage to begin with.

It seems to me that this is an important concept to understand.

I have to agree with you on that. It shouldn't be like that, and won't be like that, but is like that. And praise the Lord, that He is sympathetic to our plight while we are here in that respect, so He is flexible on it for us so gave the concession to Moses for the people. That was nice of Him.

 

[reba]

Opinions out side of Biblical teaching.. are what is slowing killing the Church...

 

[for_his_glory]

They give it colorful names nowadays, lol. Like...irreconcilable differences and other deceptive catch phrases. Having no honor would be another way to say it. Not giving honor to the marriage covenant is what it amounts to.

Most people miss the whole point of marriage. It is a teaching tool that God gave to mankind to instill in them the etiquette and protocols of covenant. As in, covenant with God. As the Wife is to the Husband, so is the Husband unto God. That loyal, that helpful, and...there is no quit. Divorce was a concession given to mankind by God (in His infinite mercy!)...but it was not always so.

If a man (or woman) can't be trusted with an earthly marriage covenant, then how much less so, with a divine one? Getting married is becoming family, and family doesn't walk away or have infidelity. Despite what school curriculum's say, lol. They don't teach honor anymore.

Marriage should never be entered into lightly as when it is the commitment usually falls by the wayside.

 

[reba]

Marriage should never be entered into lightly as when it is the commitment usually falls by the wayside.

 

[th1b.taylor]

How do you say "God be with you" after you just accused me of interjecting venom into this thread?
How do you feel I'm verbally abusing you?
What exactly did I say that verbally abusive?
You use links all the time. This is so impersonal and it's nice to know persons personal opinions.
We could post links all day long, what good would it do??
Are we not here to discuss?
If you want to answer this please send me a PM since we're getting off topic.
Thanks.

The truth can hurt. And God said in His word to love your wife as yourself. I've yet to see a man standstill and take a beating and not move to defend or to run. and God does not hate women and I see nowhere that it alright to beat them.

In my fifties Childhood I recall one sweet lady who warned her husband not to get drunk, come home and to beat her one more time. But he did and fell into the bed. She tied all of the corners of the sheet together to contain him, took his favorite Baseball Bat andwith it at her side she called the Police and told them she was going to do it, hung up and broke almost every bone in hisbody before the Officer arrived. She was not charged because there was no intent to kill, she did call the Police to prevent her from beating him to death. When he was well he never did that again.

 

[th1b.taylor]

Opinions out side of Biblical teaching.. are what is slowing killing the Church...

 

[for_his_glory]

What I'm wondering is that if someone is in an abusive marriage, where in Scripture does it say that this is a valid reason for seeking a divorce? We may not like it but if we are married it is for life and if, while we are married, we leave and seek another relationship we will be guilty of adultery will we not? Unless I can find the Scripture that allows for divorce for any reason except sexual immortality as explained by our Lord, Jesus, my thought is that when we find ourselves in an abusive relationship we have one of two choices; either we stay and deal with it (not likely the best scenario) or we leave the relationship to protect ourselves but we will remain married.

I'm seeking the right answer not based on our feelings but on what God has said through His written word. Can someone show me where I'm wrong?

I have searched the scriptures about if one can remarry after divorcing their souse on the grounds of physical and mental abuse, but the Bible is silent on this. When I met my husband ten years later I know in my heart it was God that brought us together as I would never have driven an hour to go to Church, but this was the Church the Holy Spirit brought me to. Before we were even engaged, without each other not knowing, we both were praying about our relationship and marriage and we knew it could only have been God that brought us together. God has blest us ever since so it had to be alright to remarry, IMO. I truly do not think there is any other way of knowing then to seek God for an answer.