How to become a submissive wife?

[Mrs. Submission]

Bills have never been left unpaid to the point of shut off.

However, the message I received said that the amount needed to be paid or a shut off would occur.
I found that very alarming. It also annoyed me that my husband had to waste money on late fees.

My mother was a loud and angry most of the time and often for no reason.
The difference between my mother and I is that I rarely raise my voice at my husband while she constantly screamed at my father.
Counseling has helped a lot.

My husband knows when to see a doctor but he won't go in unless I remind him a few times.
Sometimes I will offer to make the appointment myself and my husband will take me up on that offer.

 

[Cturtle]

Bills have never been left unpaid to the point of shut off.

However, the message I received said that the amount needed to be paid or a shut off would occur.
I found that very alarming. It also annoyed me that my husband had to waste money on late fees.

My mother was a loud and angry most of the time and often for no reason.
The difference between my mother and I is that I rarely raise my voice at my husband while she constantly screamed at my father.
Counseling has helped a lot.

My husband knows when to see a doctor but he won't go in unless I remind him a few times.
Sometimes I will offer to make the appointment myself and my husband will take me up on that offer.

Just wanted to apologize if i overstepped my boundaries, or caused any ill feelings or offense. That was not my intent. I pray for the two of you every night, and ask God to bless your marriage in every way possible!
Much peace be unto you in abundannce!

 

[Mrs. Submission]

Just wanted to apologize if i overstepped my boundaries, or caused any ill feelings or offense. That was not my intent. I pray for the two of you every night, and ask God to bless your marriage in every way possible!
Much peace be unto you in abundannce!

No no no...I wasn't offended at all.

I want to ask a question that anyone can answer...what do you think of the idea that a wife's body belongs to her husband and vice versa?
I'm asking because there are times that my husband wants to touch me but I don't want to be touched.
I struggle with being submissive in those moments or discouraging my husband from touching me.

 

[Cturtle]

I want to ask a question that anyone can answer...what do you think of the idea that a wife's body belongs to her husband and vice versa?.

this is scriptural. God does not want for any of us to have a reason to go elsewhere.

i know it is difficult, but one has to deal with their emotions, and find out why you do not want to be touched. When i am feeling frustrated, or angry i don't even want an animal by me. But i have come to realize that is my way of punishing myself. Telling myself that i do not deserve to be loved.
But it may be different for someone else.

 

[Mrs. Submission]

this is scriptural. God does not want for any of us to have a reason to go elsewhere.

i know it is difficult, but one has to deal with their emotions, and find out why you do not want to be touched. When i am feeling frustrated, or angry i don't even want an animal by me. But i have come to realize that is my way of punishing myself. Telling myself that i do not deserve to be loved.
But it may be different for someone else.

Most of the time I relish my husband's touch. There are rare occasions where being touched makes me feel skittish and crowded.
I used to push my husband away during those times until he told me how much it hurt him. I don't do that anymore.
Today my husband has tried to entice me into lovemaking twice. I know he feels rejected because he mentioned it. However, my husband is too much of a gentleman to force the issue.
My husband has mentioned that I have not kissed him or hugged him today. I don't know...I just want to keep my body for myself today.

 

[Cturtle]

[QUOTE="Mrs. Submission, post: 1063305, member:
My husband has mentioned that I have not kissed him or hugged him today. I don't know...I just want to keep my body for myself today.[/QUOTE]

I know that it can be difficult but thoughts like that are not healthy. And i can tell you that they do not come from God. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that Love does not demand it's own way. And what i sense is that while you are submitting in lots of other ways, this thought is a control issue. Kind of like, i give everything else away, but every once in awhile this is mine for the day. Thinking like this is meant to cause hurt to your husband, and the disruption to the flow of the unity between you both. It's meant to destroy, not lift up. And somehow you have to not allow that feeling to stay. Now if you feel as if you need times to keep your body to yourself, remind yourself that those days when he is at work, those are your times.
Many blessing upon you both!

 

[Mrs. Submission]

[QUOTE="Mrs. Submission, post: 1063305, member:
My husband has mentioned that I have not kissed him or hugged him today. I don't know...I just want to keep my body for myself today.

I know that it can be difficult but thoughts like that are not healthy. And i can tell you that they do not come from God. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that Love does not demand it's own way. And what i sense is that while you are submitting in lots of other ways, this thought is a control issue. Kind of like, i give everything else away, but every once in awhile this is mine for the day. Thinking like this is meant to cause hurt to your husband, and the disruption to the flow of the unity between you both. It's meant to destroy, not lift up. And somehow you have to not allow that feeling to stay. Now if you feel as if you need times to keep your body to yourself, remind yourself that those days when he is at work, those are your times.
Many blessing upon you both![/QUOTE]

Why shouldn't I have control over what is done to my body?

 

[Cturtle]

I know that it can be difficult but thoughts like that are not healthy. And i can tell you that they do not come from God. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that Love does not demand it's own way. And what i sense is that while you are submitting in lots of other ways, this thought is a control issue. Kind of like, i give everything else away, but every once in awhile this is mine for the day. Thinking like this is meant to cause hurt to your husband, and the disruption to the flow of the unity between you both. It's meant to destroy, not lift up. And somehow you have to not allow that feeling to stay. Now if you feel as if you need times to keep your body to yourself, remind yourself that those days when he is at work, those are your times.
Many blessing upon you both!

Why shouldn't I have control over what is done to my body?[/QUOTE]


Based on 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 3) the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husbands sexual needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self control.

 

[Mrs. Submission]

Why shouldn't I have control over what is done to my body?

Based on 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 3) the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husbands sexual needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self control.[/QUOTE]

We have a very active and satisfying sex life.

Neither of us believe in infidelity so we wouldn't allow Satan to tempt us. We both think cheating is disgusting.

I wasn't talking about sex though. I was complaining about constant groping and kissing.

 

[Brother Mike]

Based on 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 3) the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husbands sexual needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self control.

I am reading through all these post here. I am trying to find where in all the posts there is an issue of submission here.

Normal sex life, normal things folks get messed up with by messed up parents. I see the husband has lots of "Quirks" that get under your skin which is normal issues.

Who said you were not submissive? what is the issue here? I have read some post from some really messed up women, so messed up I would not even know where to start with them.

I don't see that here, so whats the issue??

Someone needs to take a look in the DB at the Cell this thread is on. Quote system messed up.

 

[Mrs. Submission]

Yes, the quote system is messed up.

As for what the issue is here, you can read my very first post and see what my issues are.

I have had to work very hard to get where I am just now and I still struggle with being submissive in some ways.

 

[Brother Mike]

Yes, the quote system is messed up.

As for what the issue is here, you can read my very first post and see what my issues are.

I have had to work very hard to get where I am just now and I still struggle with being submissive in some ways.

I read your OP, and all the other pages. I am trying to seperate what is an actual submissive issue that God would like to work on with you, as opposed to what you and the devil make up to set unreasonable standards against you.

We can all grow in all places in our lives. We should all be growing in every area. Including how to submit better and in right ways.

It's also not just you. The Husband has to learn what love your wife as Christ loves the Church means and what a submissive wife is like.

For example..................

My wife use to help everyone that asked. She would run there, run here and I felt and she felt this was the right Christian thing to do.

Well, She started to always be in a bad mood. Lot's of folks she helped, just stabbed her in the back. She threw perals to swine. She started to not like helping people as much.

This caused a conflict in her because if she was really saved, then she should always want to help people. That made her more depressed, hard to live with.

So, I went to God, and the Lord told me it was my fault.

My fault......... Really?

You don't argue with God, so I asked for help to see how it was my fault, and what to do about it.

The Lord told me I needed to control and put into prespective for my wife on who to help. I also needed to shut some people off that she let in her life as they were draining her.

I also was told to teach the wife, get her books on how to be led by the Holy Spirit so that she would only help who the Lord asked her to help.

I also made it so she had to ask me about what I thought about a person and if we should help.

Years later, we still practice that. She ask me about this person and ask me if the Lord has said anything about helping them, and if I heard something, I say ya.

then she ask if the Lord gave me an amount or how to help to see if it matches up with what she thought she Heard God say.

The wife submits as we submit together in the Lord, this was a long process of learning, but she is no longer miserable and we don't let folks in that just crap on her.

So............. IN your mind, what do you think your not submitting in that you should be submitting more in.

I read about not wanting to be touched every day, read about quirks the husband has that annoy you. These things are normal things though.

What is your list and concerns you most?

 

[Rachel Hall]

Hi. I have been reading this thread as I am in a similar position. I don't want to be a doormat and there are other issues around our marriage but one of our major problems and the reason our marriage is breaking down is because of my incessant need to be right about everything. I have no respect for my husband as over the years he has worn me down. He doesn't listen to me at all and never seems to understand anything I say or feel. I know if I was more submissive we would fight less but there's so much resentment for all the years he has caused me pain. I think he has some sort of social disorder too which makes it harder for me to be submissive to decisions I don't trust! I should probably state that he is a non-Christian and has no desire to follow the biblical principle of " love your wife as Christ loves the church". He is after his own needs most of the time. We are on the edge of separation and we have a 7 year old daughter. It would ruin her life. What do I do?
Sorry to bring the discussion down! Found this site in desperation!
Rachel

 

[Mrs. Submission]

Hi. I have been reading this thread as I am in a similar position. I don't want to be a doormat and there are other issues around our marriage but one of our major problems and the reason our marriage is breaking down is because of my incessant need to be right about everything. I have no respect for my husband as over the years he has worn me down. He doesn't listen to me at all and never seems to understand anything I say or feel. I know if I was more submissive we would fight less but there's so much resentment for all the years he has caused me pain. I think he has some sort of social disorder too which makes it harder for me to be submissive to decisions I don't trust! I should probably state that he is a non-Christian and has no desire to follow the biblical principle of " love your wife as Christ loves the church". He is after his own needs most of the time. We are on the edge of separation and we have a 7 year old daughter. It would ruin her life. What do I do?
Sorry to bring the discussion down! Found this site in desperation!
Rachel

Have you and your husband seen a counselor?

 

[Brother Mike]

Hi. I have been reading this thread as I am in a similar position. I don't want to be a doormat and there are other issues around our marriage but one of our major problems and the reason our marriage is breaking down is because of my incessant need to be right about everything. I have no respect for my husband as over the years he has worn me down. He doesn't listen to me at all and never seems to understand anything I say or feel. I know if I was more submissive we would fight less but there's so much resentment for all the years he has caused me pain. I think he has some sort of social disorder too which makes it harder for me to be submissive to decisions I don't trust! I should probably state that he is a non-Christian and has no desire to follow the biblical principle of " love your wife as Christ loves the church". He is after his own needs most of the time. We are on the edge of separation and we have a 7 year old daughter. It would ruin her life. What do I do?
Sorry to bring the discussion down! Found this site in desperation!
Rachel

Welcome Rachel. Your not alone, I know how you feel. My wife and I fight always over past failures I have had and toward her. You being more submissive does not change anything or make you more happy. It will not change your Husband.

Had you been "MADE" to feel you could trust him, then you would not always be so insistent on being right.

Even if the Husband did a 180 and changed, that does not remove the years of bitterness in you. He could make right choices, serve God, and just a hint of him being his former self will set you off on the trail of the past.

I could let you speak with my wife and she can tell you how she feels, felt and what she has done to combat bitterness. My version would be one sided.

I will say though, if you want things fixed, You will have to focus on the Word do do your part toward God, and God is amazing and will do his part. With your Husband or without. You would be surprised on just how 7 year old kids adapt to changes when the Lord is helping them.

Let me know.

 

[LovethroughDove]

Hi. I have been reading this thread as I am in a similar position. I don't want to be a doormat and there are other issues around our marriage but one of our major problems and the reason our marriage is breaking down is because of my incessant need to be right about everything. I have no respect for my husband as over the years he has worn me down. He doesn't listen to me at all and never seems to understand anything I say or feel. I know if I was more submissive we would fight less but there's so much resentment for all the years he has caused me pain. I think he has some sort of social disorder too which makes it harder for me to be submissive to decisions I don't trust! I should probably state that he is a non-Christian and has no desire to follow the biblical principle of " love your wife as Christ loves the church". He is after his own needs most of the time. We are on the edge of separation and we have a 7 year old daughter. It would ruin her life. What do I do?
Sorry to bring the discussion down! Found this site in desperation!
Rachel

I am going to be honest here. I had/have the similar situation. The devil wants you to resent your husband and get a divorce. I had dated many men and let me tell you, Jesus is the only perfect man. I know you are Christian, but have you read the words Jesus speaks? If you feel like you can't lean on your husband, please let Christ console you. He WILL get you in a place to where you can be free, even in your marriage that you don't feel important in. This is just what I have experienced in a marriage where you feel misunderstood.

 

[Cturtle]

Hi. I have been reading this thread as I am in a similar position. I don't want to be a doormat and there are other issues around our marriage but one of our major problems and the reason our marriage is breaking down is because of my incessant need to be right about everything. I have no respect for my husband as over the years he has worn me down. He doesn't listen to me at all and never seems to understand anything I say or feel. I know if I was more submissive we would fight less but there's so much resentment for all the years he has caused me pain. I think he has some sort of social disorder too which makes it harder for me to be submissive to decisions I don't trust! I should probably state that he is a non-Christian and has no desire to follow the biblical principle of " love your wife as Christ loves the church". He is after his own needs most of the time. We are on the edge of separation and we have a 7 year old daughter. It would ruin her life. What do I do?
Sorry to bring the discussion down! Found this site in desperation!
Rachel

Hi Rachel,
First i would like to welcome to cf. I have been in your shoes, and can say that as a godly woman, the first thing that you should do is repent for harboring bitterness, and forgive your husband for all of the pain that he has put you through. Then as you get alone with God to restore your relationship with Him, ask Him to help you to love your husband according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I can say that it is not always easy, because the pain that you feel is very real! And daily loving someone who has hurt us, can be a real challenge. But with God's help this is something that you can do. This is the time for you to lean on God, trusting in Him to heal your broken heart and restore your marriage.

My other suggestion is to ask God for specific verses to pray over your husband. And daily thanking God that he is a godly man, and loves you as Christ loves the church. Daily thank God for your husbands salvation, and no matter what you see happening or hear out of his mouth, only confess the Word of God. This will help you immensely. It will take some getting used to and some practice, because you have fallen into the trap that we all fall into sometimes. And that is speaking things the way they are, not speaking things by faith to where we want them to be.

God loves you both! And as the devil wants to destroy the sanctity of marriage, God desires to save it. He desires for all of us to be saved. That is why He is so patient with us all. God is not angry with you and holds no offenses against you. So if you can repent, and then forgive and walk in love, I believe, God will move in your behalf.

Have you ever seen the movie fireproof? If not it is right up your alley. God bless you! And i will be praying along with you for your husbands salvation! May the Lord richly bless you with peace and joy in abundance!

 

[Brother Mike]

Hi Rachel,
First i would like to welcome to cf. I have been in your shoes, and can say that as a godly woman, the first thing that you should do is repent for harboring bitterness, and forgive your husband for all of the pain that he has put you through. Then as you get alone with God to restore your relationship with Him, ask Him to help you to love your husband according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. I can say that it is not always easy, because the pain that you feel is very real! And daily loving someone who has hurt us, can be a real challenge. But with God's help this is something that you can do. This is the time for you to lean on God, trusting in Him to heal your broken heart and restore your marriage.

My other suggestion is to ask God for specific verses to pray over your husband. And daily thanking God that he is a godly man, and loves you as Christ loves the church. Daily thank God for your husbands salvation, and no matter what you see happening or hear out of his mouth, only confess the Word of God. This will help you immensely. It will take some getting used to and some practice, because you have fallen into the trap that we all fall into sometimes. And that is speaking things the way they are, not speaking things by faith to where we want them to be.

God loves you both! And as the devil wants to destroy the sanctity of marriage, God desires to save it. He desires for all of us to be saved. That is why He is so patient with us all. God is not angry with you and holds no offenses against you. So if you can repent, and then forgive and walk in love, I believe, God will move in your behalf.

Have you ever seen the movie fireproof? If not it is right up your alley. God bless you! And i will be praying along with you for your husbands salvation! May the Lord richly bless you with peace and joy in abundance!

Umm, What do you do Turtle when the Husband displays past things that trigger former emotions you know you should control?

Having a non-Spiritual husband has to be bad if your a Spirit filled christian women. What is the dividing line between a wife wanting peace and to serve God if the Husband can't even hear God?

We know it's important to be led by God before you marry anyone, make sure it's God. That is so often not the case though in bad marriages.

 

[Cturtle]

Umm, What do you do Turtle when the Husband displays past things that trigger former emotions you know you should control?

Having a non-Spiritual husband has to be bad if your a Spirit filled christian women. What is the dividing line between a wife wanting peace and to serve God if the Husband can't even hear God?

We know it's important to be led by God before you marry anyone, make sure it's God. That is so often not the case though in bad marriages.

Those are the times when i am praying the most. Thanking God for giving me the strength to walk in total love. It takes practice, and sometimes we fall, but the point is to walk as Jesus would have us to walk.

The Bible says that (my paraphrase) if a Christian, spirit filled woman is loving her husband, and doing what pleases God, that it will speak mountains to the unbelieving husband. Our trust is not in our husbands, saved or unsaved, our trust lies in our Heavenly Father, who when we are walking totally in His ways, will take care of us no matter what. God loves us and can move mountains for us.

 

[Brother Mike]

Those are the times when i am praying the most. Thanking God for giving me the strength to walk in total love. It takes practice, and sometimes we fall, but the point is to walk as Jesus would have us to walk.

The Bible says that (my paraphrase) if a Christian, spirit filled woman is loving her husband, and doing what pleases God, that it will speak mountains to the unbelieving husband. Our trust is not in our husbands, saved or unsaved, our trust lies in our Heavenly Father, who when we are walking totally in His ways, will take care of us no matter what. God loves us and can move mountains for us.

consoling lots of christian women and especially women of any faith type movement, I hear this a lot. We have to walk in faith, we thank God for strength, "Let the weak say I am strong" and so on. I have started to question though, is it freedom, or God's best for someone who has to constantly stand on scriptures to make it through weeks at a time?

No doubt, faith can endure lots of things, but are we designed to have to walk that way constantly, when it's so easy to change the environment?