I call myself a Christian as the word is to mean Christlike, but so many have tarnished that name so horrendously by arguing and debating their own man made doctrines in so much that many want nothing to do with it as they see others coming against each other calling out liars, blasphemers, child of Satan being your father of lies. I never knew how hateful so called Christians could be against another in the so called battle of "I am right, you are wrong, your not even a Christian, nor do you know what the Bible says" attitudes with each other until I started coming into Christian forums many years ago.As i said earlier i believe but i want no part of christianity
It's not about being a Christian anymore, but all about being Spiritually born again indwelled with the Holy Spirit of promise who is the only one that can teach us all truths. It's about having a personal relationship with Jesus fellowshipping with Him getting to know who He is and what He has already done for us.
For God so loved davado and for_his_glory that He gave His only begotten son that was led like a Lamb to the slaughter so we can now have eternal life with Him instead of being cast into the lake of fire. There was a great Evangelist many years ago named Kathryn Kuhlman that I can still hear her words today "only believe". Don't believe in man or the doctrines they teach, keep your focus on believing in Christ Jesus and what He has already taught.
It saddens me to see what Christianity has come to be in the eyes of others and many that want nothing to do with it. I get it. I can't even count how many times I walked away from it all and wanted nothing to do with it, but was always drawn back through the Holy Spirit. I had to get to the place where I chucked almost everything I was taught by others and had to clear my mind and start all over again with just me, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and the Bible being the word of God. I started praying and asking the Holy Spirit to teach me as I started reading the Bible again, but with a new light being the light of Christ and His pure doctrine, not man's flavor of doctrine as there is only one being the word of God. I'm not saying I know all things as that is impossible to exhaust all the teachings of Christ, but what I have learned so far comes from the Holy Spirit teaching me or truly working through others to help teach me that have more Spiritual knowledge then I do.
I'm 68 years old and will never learn it all, but to start with the basics like that of the book of John to learn who Christ truly is and what our relationship with Him is all about and how important that is to our very life and the eternal life afterwards. Then I jumped into the book of Acts to learn of the day of Pentecost and what the indwelling of the Holy Spirit is all about. If these were the only two books in the Bible then the simplicity of Christ would be so easy as even a child could understand the love of Christ.
davado you said you read the Bible before and was a Christian. You have to truly ask yourself why you walked away from Christ. Was it because of Christ and something you feel He did wrong against you, or was it because of how you saw Christians act towards one another and you wanted nothing to do with that. I truly believe you are not her on your own accord, but that deep down inside of your very soul God is drawing you back to Him, but you are resisting. I pray you will sit down with Jesus and have a one on one conversation with Him, but also give Him a chance to speak to you as He will if you give Him a chance.
I know you do not want anyone praying for you, but fervent prayer accomplishes much and many of us care about you.