WHY ISN'T THIS GENERATION GETTING MARRIED?

[GodsGrace]

But the question is generic (referring to "this generation"), not specific to a person. Thus, the answer should be in the same context.


Pretty much.


I've just seen far too many cases of trolls, imposters, and bots in message boards to take much of any of it very seriously. And as message boards and forums go the way of the dodo, it's only worsened.

Now, if some of you have grown to know, like, and become good friends with each other, that's wonderful! I just don't have any interest in that sort of thing. It has nothing to do with anything specific to this site, it's just a general approach I take to most things online.

I respect that.
I said it was OK.

I just want to say that, yes, the question was general and not to a specific person on here,
but when persons reply, undoubtedly the replies will be from either some kind of personal experience,
having noticed others' experiences, or just from their general world view.

 

[Uncle J]

I respect that.
I said it was OK.

I just want to say that, yes, the question was general and not to a specific person on here,
but when persons reply, undoubtedly the replies will be from either some kind of personal experience,
having noticed others' experiences, or just from their general world view.

Well, it's important to appreciate that "it's too expensive" wasn't the only response given.

You can read the survey here: https://thrivingcenterofpsych.com/blog/millennials-gen-z-marriage-expectations-statistics/

Lots of diverse views out there.

 

[GodsGrace]

Well, it's important to appreciate that "it's too expensive" wasn't the only response given.

You can read the survey here: https://thrivingcenterofpsych.com/blog/millennials-gen-z-marriage-expectations-statistics/

Lots of diverse views out there.

Right.
I know you're not going to read thru the entire thread, but some gave some really good reasons.
And all correct....

I was speaking to a young woman just yesterday, about 23, and she's afraid to get married because of the divorce rate.
Guess everyone has their reason. (her parents were divorced when she was 11 and her guys parents are also divorced).

 

[Uncle J]

Right.
I know you're not going to read thru the entire thread, but some gave some really good reasons.
And all correct....

Yep, everyone's circumstances are unique.

I was speaking to a young woman just yesterday, about 23, and she's afraid to get married because of the divorce rate.
Guess everyone has their reason. (her parents were divorced when she was 11 and her guys parents are also divorced).

And she's only 23, so she still has some life-learning to go through. I didn't get married until I was in my late 20's, which was a good decision.

 

[Riven]

Right.
I know you're not going to read thru the entire thread, but some gave some really good reasons.
And all correct....

I was speaking to a young woman just yesterday, about 23, and she's afraid to get married because of the divorce rate.
Guess everyone has their reason. (her parents were divorced when she was 11 and her guys parents are also divorced).

Looking at the statistics, it is women that initiate the divorce far more often than men. So she would likely be the one that would want a divorce. At least she's sparing some poor bloke that headache.

 

[GodsGrace]

Looking at the statistics, it is women that initiate the divorce far more often than men. So she would likely be the one that would want a divorce. At least she's sparing some poor bloke that headache.

But why, then I would ask.
I think Uncle J is looking at this as just another thread, but I think there's some serious thinking to be done here.
Not that we're going to solve anything.
Do you think it has to do with feminism?
Could it be because men don't seem to notice when there's a problem and then one day the divorce papers arrive?
Maybe woman and men don't need each other as much as they used to? (for all of life's reasons).
I also understand your point of view - many guys feel this way.
Have both sexes changed too much and for the worse?
Women like strong men,
Men like needy women (not too needy!)
So why the problem!
Instead men are becoming weaker - some feel they're not even needed.
And women are becoming stronger - and then complain they can't find a man.
It's a mess!

 

[Uncle J]

Do you think it has to do with feminism?

In a historical sense, very much so. It used to be virtually impossible for wives to divorce their husbands, regardless of the circumstances. So you had a lot of women being abused by their husbands while not being able to divorce them.

Feminism changed that.....for the better I think.

Could it be because men don't seem to notice when there's a problem and then one day the divorce papers arrive?
Maybe woman and men don't need each other as much as they used to? (for all of life's reasons).
I also understand your point of view - many guys feel this way.
Have both sexes changed too much and for the worse?
Women like strong men,
Men like needy women (not too needy!)
So why the problem!
Instead men are becoming weaker - some feel they're not even needed.
And women are becoming stronger - and then complain they can't find a man.
It's a mess!

Everyone has their own preferences and tastes. For example, I don't like "needy women" and instead prefer a wife like mine, i.e., one who is strong-willed, independent, and doesn't have to rely on me for everything.

 

[GodsGrace]

In a historical sense, very much so. It used to be virtually impossible for wives to divorce their husbands, regardless of the circumstances. So you had a lot of women being abused by their husbands while not being able to divorce them.

Feminism changed that.....for the better I think.

LOL
I just mentioned you in another thread.
I was right.
As far as I'm concerned, and many that have my world view, feminism ruined everything.

Everyone has their own preferences and tastes. For example, I don't like "needy women" and instead prefer a wife like mine, i.e., one who is strong-willed, independent, and doesn't have to rely on me for everything.

You're a lazy dude J!

Do women rely on men anymore?
Maybe that's the problem!!

We're supposed to NEED each other.
It's part of LOVE.

These days, need is seen as something negative.
(darn you young kids...LOL) (your words).

 

[Uncle J]

As far as I'm concerned, and many that have my world view, feminism ruined everything.

So you would prefer abused wives have no means to divorce their abusive husbands. That's shockingly sad.

You're a lazy dude J!

Do women rely on men anymore?
Maybe that's the problem!!

We're supposed to NEED each other.
It's part of LOVE.

These days, need is seen as something negative.
(darn you young kids...LOL) (your words).

Nah. If something were to happen to me, I'd rather my wife do well rather than be completely helpless until she finds another husband.

 

[GodsGrace]

So you would prefer abused wives have no means to divorce their abusive husbands. That's shockingly sad.


Nah. If something were to happen to me, I'd rather my wife do well rather than be completely helpless until she finds another husband.

It's late here J.
This is getting too serious.
Tomorrow.

 

[Riven]

Do you think it has to do with feminism?

Yeah, I think that's part of it.

Could it be because men don't seem to notice when there's a problem and then one day the divorce papers arrive?

I don't think so. I think women today just don't take marriage seriously. They want the big wedding, their special day, all eyes on them, etc. But once that's all done, then it's back to real life and they get bored and eventually want out. There are so many resources now for women that there's no real consequence for leaving. They're heavily favored in the courts as well when it comes to custody disputes.

Maybe woman and men don't need each other as much as they used to? (for all of life's reasons).

They still do. It's just that women now wait until their 40 before they really want to lock a guy down. The problem with that is they usually want a younger guy. But the younger guy may want kids and he has options. Why would he choose an older woman that may already have kids, is probably not interested in having more, and is closing in on menopause, when younger options (20's and 30's) ate available?

Women were sold a line of bs. They find out late in life that a career isn't a source of happiness. It's a means to an end and that is all.

Have both sexes changed too much and for the worse?
Women like strong men,
Men like needy women (not too needy!)
So why the problem!

I think they're the same as they've always been. It's just that society has changed and men are seen now as resources and not much more than that. Guys don't like being treated like that. Who does?

Instead men are becoming weaker - some feel they're not even needed.
And women are becoming stronger - and then complain they can't find a man.
It's a mess!

Well, men are constantly being told by society that they're not needed anymore. Guys are adaptable. We just say, well, okay. Lol.

 

[Corn Pop]

The reason

The original question ("why aren't younger generations getting married") has generally been answered and I believe them when they answer.

Whether their answer(s) is/are rational is a separate issue.

I think the simple answer as to why the younger generation are not getting married these days is because morals and values have gone out the door. It has become normal now for people to just be in relationships or have children and/or just break up if they choose.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

The reason


I think the simple answer as to why the younger generation are not getting married these days is because morals and values have gone out the door. It has become normal now for people to just be in relationships or have children and/or just break up if they choose.

Maybe we should cut them some slacks. If marriage is viewed as a contract instead of a covenant, then that's a super risky business. Dating your partner, raising kids, buying a house and maintaining relationship would cost everything you have, not just money, but time, energy and other resources also, you no longer live for yourself, but for your partner and your kids, and then there's nothing in return for your commitment, at least not in many years, very few people in today's economy and environment could afford that. Weighing between the risk of a failed marriage that would leave you drained and devastated and the risk of dying alone in old age, is it a surprise that most people would choose the latter?

Also, marriage is the biggest, most consequential decision you'd make in your entire life, especially for women, so you must think about the future, think many many years ahead. If your outlook of future is bleak, like, I'm probably gonna die in WWIII, the whole world is going down in a hand basket, then there's no reason to get married, it would only be a burden too heavy for you to bear. In the past there were lots of benefits in marriage including but not limited to sex and intimacy, see my post #275; nowadays these benefits all have cheap substitutes, they are no longer exclusive to marriage, so there's hardly any motivation either.

 

[jasonc]

A covenant is a type of contract.

I do this,you do that .if you don't I do x.

See the warnings toward Israel. Being Jewish I have seen my grandparents marriage contract and my mom has it .likely I will acquire it and decide what to do .it hung in my grandparents room even after Grandma was a widow .

I also have seen the photos of them at the chuppa and the plates being broken .

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

A covenant is a type of contract.

I do this,you do that .if you don't I do x.

See the warnings toward Israel. Being Jewish I have seen my grandparents marriage contract and my mom has it .likely I will acquire it and decide what to do .it hung in my grandparents room even after Grandma was a widow .

I also have seen the photos of them at the chuppa and the plates being broken .

Contract is temporary, covenant lasts forever.

 

[jasonc]

Contract is temporary, covenant lasts forever.

Till death to us part .

Since some can and do marry who is their spouse in death ,the first ,second?

For their is neither given or taken in marriage in heaven .sounds temporary to me

 

[jasonc]

I get your point but you can't say it's convenant when my grandmother was a widow 11 years before she died .it would not be a sin for her to marry another .

 

[Riven]

Contract is temporary, covenant lasts forever.

It would seem women view it as just a thing they can change out when they get bored. Then the guy goes through hell, he loses his kids, and he loses half of his assets. Looking at how divorce benefits women more than staying married, it's no surprise that guys have become wise to the game and want no part of it.

 

[JT4444]

It would seem women view it as just a thing they can change out when they get bored. Then the guy goes through hell, he loses his kids, and he loses half of his assets. Looking at how divorce benefits women more than staying married, it's no surprise that guys have become wise to the game and want no part of it.

Unfortunately, that is true. But society is going to pay a price in the long run.

 

[Uncle J]

So the thread has evolved from "those dang kids today" to "those dang women today, gettin' all uppity".

Pretty funny.