WHY ISN'T THIS GENERATION GETTING MARRIED?

[JT4444]

So the thread has evolved from "those dang kids today" to "those dang women today, gettin' all uppity".

Pretty funny.

But why, then I would ask.
I think Uncle J is looking at this as just another thread, but I think there's some serious thinking to be done here.
Not that we're going to solve anything.
Do you think it has to do with feminism?
Could it be because men don't seem to notice when there's a problem and then one day the divorce papers arrive?
Maybe woman and men don't need each other as much as they used to? (for all of life's reasons).
I also understand your point of view - many guys feel this way.
Have both sexes changed too much and for the worse?
Women like strong men,
Men like needy women (not too needy!)
So why the problem!
Instead men are becoming weaker - some feel they're not even needed.
And women are becoming stronger - and then complain they can't find a man.
It's a me

Look at the images on TV. Drag queens and ads for men wearing makeup (Sephora). Society now teaches that masculinity is toxic in any form and that having children means that a woman is a loser. Those are the messages that young people are getting over and over.

 

[Fastfredy0]

The women are not as "HOT" as they use to be; and the men not as RICH.

 

[Uncle J]

Look at the images on TV. Drag queens and ads for men wearing makeup (Sephora).

So?

Society now teaches that masculinity is toxic in any form and that having children means that a woman is a loser. Those are the messages that young people are getting over and over.

LOL....what?

Out of curiosity, about how old are you? Are you a Baby Boomer? Gen Xer? Millennial? Gen Z?

 

[Riven]

So the thread has evolved from "those dang kids today" to "those dang women today, gettin' all uppity".

Pretty funny.

The statistics don't lie. Your wife is more likely than not to initiate divorce at some point. You have a 50% chance. That's really high. 70% of divorces in the United States are initiated by the wife.

 

[GodsGrace]

Looking at the statistics, it is women that initiate the divorce far more often than men. So she would likely be the one that would want a divorce. At least she's sparing some poor bloke that headache.

LOL

 

[GodsGrace]

Maybe we should cut them some slacks. If marriage is viewed as a contract instead of a covenant, then that's a super risky business. Dating your partner, raising kids, buying a house and maintaining relationship would cost everything you have, not just money, but time, energy and other resources also, you no longer live for yourself, but for your partner and your kids, and then there's nothing in return for your commitment, at least not in many years, very few people in today's economy and environment could afford that. Weighing between the risk of a failed marriage that would leave you drained and devastated and the risk of dying alone in old age, is it a surprise that most people would choose the latter?

Also, marriage is the biggest, most consequential decision you'd make in your entire life, especially for women, so you must think about the future, think many many years ahead. If your outlook of future is bleak, like, I'm probably gonna die in WWIII, the whole world is going down in a hand basket, then there's no reason to get married, it would only be a burden too heavy for you to bear. In the past there were lots of benefits in marriage including but not limited to sex and intimacy, see my post #275; nowadays these benefits all have cheap substitutes, they are no longer exclusive to marriage, so there's hardly any motivation either.

I agree with you.
But would you want to explain why marriage is more consequential for women?

 

[Uncle J]

The statistics don't lie. Your wife is more likely than not to initiate divorce at some point. You have a 50% chance. That's really high. 70% of divorces in the United States are initiated by the wife.

The last I looked at divorce stats, the 50% was heavily influenced by people who marry-divorce multiple times. So people like my wife and I, who've been married for 30 years, only count as one data point, whereas someone who's on their third marriage counts 2-3 times more.

And if it was just fine when only men could initiate divorce, why is it so terrible now that women can too?

 

[GodsGrace]

Yeah, I think that's part of it.


I don't think so. I think women today just don't take marriage seriously. They want the big wedding, their special day, all eyes on them, etc. But once that's all done, then it's back to real life and they get bored and eventually want out. There are so many resources now for women that there's no real consequence for leaving. They're heavily favored in the courts as well when it comes to custody disputes.


They still do. It's just that women now wait until their 40 before they really want to lock a guy down. The problem with that is they usually want a younger guy. But the younger guy may want kids and he has options. Why would he choose an older woman that may already have kids, is probably not interested in having more, and is closing in on menopause, when younger options (20's and 30's) ate available?

Women were sold a line of bs. They find out late in life that a career isn't a source of happiness. It's a means to an end and that is all.


I think they're the same as they've always been. It's just that society has changed and men are seen now as resources and not much more than that. Guys don't like being treated like that. Who does?


Well, men are constantly being told by society that they're not needed anymore. Guys are adaptable. We just say, well, okay. Lol.

As usual, I agree with you.

I just wonder:
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO LOVE!!!

How does a person get bored of the one they love?
Does your generation believe in love?
Or is it like a fairy tale?
Or something that you wish would be but you can't find it???

 

[GodsGrace]

The women are not as "HOT" as they use to be; and the men not as RICH.

Oh so you notice?


Seriously,
For every man there's a woman....
(not only the hot ones get married).

 

[JT4444]

So?


LOL....what?

Out of curiosity, about how old are you? Are you a Baby Boomer? Gen Xer? Millennial? Gen Z?

I'm 58. Why are you bothering to post on a Christian site?

 

[Uncle J]

I'm 58.

I'm 56. I was wondering where you get your ideas on what "messages young people are getting these days". Do you frequent places where teens and twenty-somethings hang out?

Why are you bothering to post on a Christian site?

Because I want to.

 

[jasonc]

As usual, I agree with you.

I just wonder:
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO LOVE!!!

How does a person get bored of the one they love?
Does your generation believe in love?
Or is it like a fairy tale?
Or something that you wish would be but you can't find it???

I know that you know that it's more then a emotional or always exciting.

 

[Riven]

As usual, I agree with you.

I just wonder:
WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO LOVE!!!

How does a person get bored of the one they love?
Does your generation believe in love?
Or is it like a fairy tale?
Or something that you wish would be but you can't find it???

I think my generation has confused love with lust. They lust after a person and they think they love them. Then they get married, the intensity dies down, and they miss it. It usually ends in divorce.

Feminism has made the concept of the housewife seem degrading. But in reality, women were objectively happier when being a housewife was more common. I would even ask women today, do you ever see a feminist that looks happy? Me neither. XD

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

I agree with you.
But would you want to explain why marriage is more consequential for women?

Because I explained that one primary function of traditional marriage is to bear and raise children, that’s a permanent transition for a woman from maidenhood to motherhood. Biologically, a woman only has limited amount of eggs, it’s her most precious resource, therefore she’s hardwired to seek the most reliable partner who can take care of her during her pregnancy, delivery and babysitting periods when she’s most vulnerable. Usually a man’s mating strategy is quantity over quality, a woman’s is QUALITY over quantity, this is why a woman is hardwired to always seek the best man as husband material in the dating pool even if it may be unrealistic, historically up to 80% women have descendants, but only 40% men have descendants.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Till death to us part .

Since some can and do marry who is their spouse in death ,the first ,second?

For their is neither given or taken in marriage in heaven .sounds temporary to me

Well, at least the deceased one does have entered into eternity, right?

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

I agree with you.
But would you want to explain why marriage is more consequential for women?

Plus, I mentioned that marriage is not only a union of two individuals, but also two families, and usually it's the woman who's married into the man's family, taking his last name, not the other way around. In the bible it says that at the end times people marry and give in to marriage, that's speaking from the man's and the woman's perspectives, man marries the woman, woman gives in to marriage with the man. If the woman chooses unwisely and gets herself married into a bad family of jacka$$es, she has to deal with not one man, but all of them, and in the process she may become a jacka$$, and that'd ruin her life forever, from which she'll never recover.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

I think my generation has confused love with lust. They lust after a person and they think they love them. Then they get married, the intensity dies down, and they miss it. It usually ends in divorce.

Feminism has made the concept of the housewife seem degrading. But in reality, women were objectively happier when being a housewife was more common. I would even ask women today, do you ever see a feminist that looks happy? Me neither. XD

Lust is a transient rush of hormones, it's a big dopamine hit, it comes like a wave that crashes and makes a huge impact on the beach, then it's gone as though it has never existed, then rinse and repeat with the next wave, pun intended. Love, on the other hand, is an ACTION, not a feeling as most people think, including but not limited to actions in bed. It's altruistic, putting your partner's need and happiness over your own, devoting your time and resources to their wellbeing, that requires spiritual maturity and faith in generosity - "it is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35)

 

[Fastfredy0]

For every man there's a woman....

Pfft ... a large segment of the population is NOT marriageable.

• lack of commitment
• infidelity, extra-marital affairs
• financial problems
• getting married too young
• high conflict/ too much fighting
• communication issues
• substance misuse
• domestic violence
• lack of support from family
• little or no premarital education
• religious differences

Jordan Peterson reviewed studies and found 10% of the population IQ is so low to be an asset as an employee. I'll guess the percentage of people that should never marry to be higher ... let's say 20% ....

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

Pfft ... a large segment of the population is NOT marriageable.

• lack of commitment
• infidelity, extra-marital affairs
• financial problems
• getting married too young
• high conflict/ too much fighting
• communication issues
• substance misuse
• domestic violence
• lack of support from family
• little or no premarital education
• religious differences

Jordan Peterson reviewed studies and found 10% of the population IQ is so low to be an asset as an employee. I'll guess the percentage of people that should never marry to be higher ... let's say 20% ....

There're two considerable elements not included on this list: some are not seeking any romantic relationship with a real partner, they're married to their work, dating and marriage are a waste of time, that's the ethos of at least the second wave of feminism; others may have a desire for a meaningful and committed romantic relationship, but there's no eligible partner around, no opportunity to meet anybody, and essentially no dating pool for them. Reunion with your childhood sweetheart in your hometown as depicted in every Hallmark movie is unrealistic, that's an illusion.

 

[Riven]

The last I looked at divorce stats, the 50% was heavily influenced by people who marry-divorce multiple times. So people like my wife and I, who've been married for 30 years, only count as one data point, whereas someone who's on their third marriage counts 2-3 times more.

And if it was just fine when only men could initiate divorce, why is it so terrible now that women can too?

It's not terrible that women can initiate a divorce. But the numbers clearly indicate that women are getting into marriages and not staying committed. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment. It's not something you should just give up on because you find the married life boring. If you think it's boring, you shouldn't get married in the first place.

I saw this play out when I was a kid. My mother married my stepdad, a really good guy that cared enough to adopt me and put a roof over our heads. Great job making good money. My mom got to be a housewife and he got her everything she wanted. But none of that mattered after a few years. Why? Because she was bored of living the married life. She wanted to go out with her friends and chase other guys. She wanted the thrill of being single again.

That's the problem. Immature women that want to be teen girls until they hit 40. Then they freak out and finally grow up and want to settle down. But by then a younger guy isn't looking at her like he's looking at some young 20-something. Then she either becomes a lesbian or a cat lady. :p