Wifely submission from the husband's POV....

[Who Says]

Great testimony, Mike!!!

In a lot of ways, it was the reverse for Steve and I when we married...so much so that some in my family said they wouldn't go to my wedding because they felt I was "unequally yoked"...(they all wound up coming).

It was hard because I was by far the more spiritual one, and Steve was like..."Hey, I believe in God but..." He was a good, moral guy, and he did believe in God, but spiritual things just weren't all that important to him.

Then when we got our daughter...it started to become more important to him...by the time our son came to us, he truly wanted to be much more spiritual...and I was the one holding us back, partly because I was just in the habit of explaining to him the Biblical perspective of things and also because I felt that he would make some terrible mistakes...like having our family join a denomination that was about to go south in a bad way.

It took that class on wifely submission to show me the error of my ways, and yes, we joined that denomination...and I found that that was where God intended us to be, so that He could show Steve things....

Since then, our marriage is a lot like yours, we discuss differences of opinions, in private, but I support his decisions. And he has grown in faith by leaps and bounds.

Which was part of the reason why I wanted to start this thread...to see if other men felt that dealing with a unsubmissive wife hindered their own spiritual growth.

Frankly, I believe the way we set at the dinner table with our families for a meal reflects the situation in this life where Paul said it was because Eve had been deceived.

But in the way it was to be before Adam sinned and will be again, the woman sets at the head of the table with her husband and the children around their feet at the sides and the end of the table.

I really believe it should be that way now so that even dinner time sends the message to the children that mom and dad are united as one and they ought to not try to divide them.

 

[Matthew77ask]

Reading through the threads I wished my wife would come to some senses too.

There is a constant hate feeling in her that she will NOT want to submit.

Actually, I do not need her to submit -as in bow down, but just go along the flow instead on insisting that ALL things MUST be done HER way - even to the cooking and laundry - yes, I do them at home - cook (when I am home, go market, iron cloths, hang out the cloths, mop floor, clean house, send and fetch kids from school).
She is not happy with everything... she is not working, while I need to work 2 jobs.

Just this morning - she sent me 5 sms - saying that I do not support her and she regrets marrying me - and now want a Divorce. (the nth time she said this..)


It is so sad....

 

[Sparkey]

Greetings and welcome to Christian Forums, Matthew77ask.

I would like to encourage you to continue to look to your Lord for answer b/c we know that He is our WayMaker and we learn to trust God in all things. There are many who pray here and I'm certain that your plea does not fall on deaf ears.

Welcome again, looking forward to hearing more from you as you continue in Christ.

~Sparrow

 

[Sparkey]

Reading through the threads I wished my wife would come to some senses too.

There is a constant hate feeling in her that she will NOT want to submit.

Actually, I do not need her to submit -as in bow down, but just go along the flow instead on insisting that ALL things MUST be done HER way - even to the cooking and laundry - yes, I do them at home - cook (when I am home, go market, iron cloths, hang out the cloths, mop floor, clean house, send and fetch kids from school).
She is not happy with everything... she is not working, while I need to work 2 jobs.

Just this morning - she sent me 5 sms - saying that I do not support her and she regrets marrying me - and now want a Divorce. (the nth time she said this..)


It is so sad....

Reading your post I too have a wish. That I would come to my senses. The truth of what you have said, of the things that we know of, applies not only to the things we see but also to the unseen.

Rebellion is in me. The thought that there is a constant hate feeling in her also applies to me because Jesus said, "If you love me, obey me," and this is something that I want to do but fail all too often. You've spoken of how you support your wife and my thoughts turn to how the Lord helps me also. He prepares a meal for me daily and I want for nothing. What I see within your statements is a glimpse of the heart of our Lord who waits for the love He is due from each of us.

My prayers are with you as you continue with your Lord, our Christ, that He perform the desire of your heart and bless your marriage so that when the two of you enter old age you might look back and glorify God. I would ask your prayers for me in this regard as well even though I am not married because what you have said touches me as well.

Cordially,
~Sparrow

 

[Matthew77ask]

It is strange - but true - in many cultures - wife "submission" is the key to long lasting marriage. The role of wife in the house is important.

My malay muslim friend has a wife that heads the accounting department in Bank of America in Singapore. She does not argue with my friend and listen to him. That is their Muslim culture and it works. Like he will tell her to wait for half hour when he goes to pick her up.. because he is with us having coffee break. We (two christians) were like - wow - you can do this? our wives will insist that we come here at once.!

When my wife returns from her outing, I am required to pick her up at the train (MRT) station. (she could have taken a feeder bus - two three stops away only). So when i go there - like 5 min late cos of traffic - she will scream and shout at me...

I was given a lecture by another friend as to why I should pick her up.... and that is so so unreasonable .... "let her come back herself..."

 

[l'Chante]

THIS WAS ESTABLISHED BY MRS MARTHA DE PURENEZ, WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF 104, AND SHE SPENT 82 YEARS IN MARRIAGE, AND SHE SAID THIS. “I know that young ladies will never agree with me, but whoever will implement this, shall be the happiest of all and shall make a nice home; unless otherwise.”

ITEMS
1.The husband is always right
2.The husband is always the master of the family even if he doesn’t work
3.The wife must ask for permission from the husband before going in bed as well as before turning the back to him on the bed
4.If the husband beats the wife and then comes a visitor, the wife should smile as if nothing happened
5.The husband is still the master and has full control on all the operations even in bed
6.Even if the wife is right, Article number 1 takes over
7.Before going to bed the wife must be in her nightdress with no pant or bra, to allow the husband to enter at any time he feels like
8.The husband never lies, but he enlightens
9.When the husband is shouting, the wife keeps kneeling down without saying anything
10.The wife should wait for the husband before making any decision
11.The husband never comes home late, he is in a meeting
12.The husband never goes out on the off day but he is attending the family meeting
13.The wife waits for her husband with her ideas and take those of her husband when he is back home
14.The wife never works hard during the day to avoid her getting fast tired in the night
15.The wife never goes to her husband’s office only when it comes an urgent case or emergence of this one
16.The wife is not allowed to do any kind of expenses without consulting the husband even if its her own money
17.All the misunderstandings have to be solved by only the two in the bedroom without witness and this should be to the husband’s advantage
18.The wife never refuses eating, even if she is annoyed
19.The wife has no orders to give to her husband, but she receives these from him
20.The wife must respect the husband’s orders carefully
21.The wife has to take limit of her jealous and not show it in public
22..The wife ever pays visits to her parents as well as to her in-laws only on permission from the husband and under any circumstances, she should be accompanied by the husband
23.The wife never goes out without permission from her husband

NB. THE POWER OF THE WIFE IS IN HER WEAKNESS<O:p</O:p

 

[Matthew77ask]

I think a lot of women out there would disagree with this!

However, the spirit is that if my wife were to take the cue, and do some of these,
as a man - I can say, my heart will melt and she will gets anything her heart desires....

Let me give you a concrete examples... those mistresses, those girls with sugar daddy... how they get what they desire? They are out to please... and never want to stay in front of their man.... the man heart melts... and relationship last..

 

[l'Chante]

You know what Matthew? I’m not adhering to any of Mrs De Purenez’s guidelines, yet I am in a stable, solid relationship with a wonderful man. I treat him with respect because he earned it. I involve him in all decisions that I make, not because he demands it, but because I trust his judgment and, well, I want to.

I’m so sorry to hear that your wife is a hand full. Thousands of women out there will bend over backwards for a man like you and it is sad that your wife doesn’t realize what she has in you. <O:p</O:p

 

[Sparkey]

Frankly, I am appalled by the 23 Commandments of Submission given by MRS. MARTHA DE PURENEZ.

Perhaps I was influenced too much by the strength of the women in my family but I've come to expect women to be people first and to worship God and God alone.

Cordially,
~Sparrow

PS - Your statement, l'Chante --> about respect is much better.

 

[Sparkey]

Let me give you a concrete examples... those mistresses, those girls with sugar daddy...

I've often thought about what we do, what we endure for Money. It's not only women who sacrifice parts of themselves for gain. Consider what men endure in the workplace as they suffer abusive power relationship from their boss or employer. If we can do it for money (sacrifice of self) how much more shall we do for godliness? There is no real satisifaction to be found in power struggle. Christians are not called to establish their authority but instead to join together in the authority that is provided through our true Master.

We simply cannot love God who is invisible and unseen unless we demonstrate that love to those who are seen.

 

[WIP]

THIS WAS ESTABLISHED BY MRS MARTHA DE PURENEZ, WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF 104, AND SHE SPENT 82 YEARS IN MARRIAGE, AND SHE SAID THIS. “I know that young ladies will never agree with me, but whoever will implement this, shall be the happiest of all and shall make a nice home; unless otherwise.â€

ITEMS
1.The husband is always right
2.The husband is always the master of the family even if he doesn’t work
3.The wife must ask for permission from the husband before going in bed as well as before turning the back to him on the bed
4.If the husband beats the wife and then comes a visitor, the wife should smile as if nothing happened
5.The husband is still the master and has full control on all the operations even in bed
6.Even if the wife is right, Article number 1 takes over
7.Before going to bed the wife must be in her nightdress with no pant or bra, to allow the husband to enter at any time he feels like
8.The husband never lies, but he enlightens
9.When the husband is shouting, the wife keeps kneeling down without saying anything
10.The wife should wait for the husband before making any decision
11.The husband never comes home late, he is in a meeting
12.The husband never goes out on the off day but he is attending the family meeting
13.The wife waits for her husband with her ideas and take those of her husband when he is back home
14.The wife never works hard during the day to avoid her getting fast tired in the night
15.The wife never goes to her husband’s office only when it comes an urgent case or emergence of this one
16.The wife is not allowed to do any kind of expenses without consulting the husband even if its her own money
17.All the misunderstandings have to be solved by only the two in the bedroom without witness and this should be to the husband’s advantage
18.The wife never refuses eating, even if she is annoyed
19.The wife has no orders to give to her husband, but she receives these from him
20.The wife must respect the husband’s orders carefully
21.The wife has to take limit of her jealous and not show it in public
22..The wife ever pays visits to her parents as well as to her in-laws only on permission from the husband and under any circumstances, she should be accompanied by the husband
23.The wife never goes out without permission from her husband

NB. THE POWER OF THE WIFE IS IN HER WEAKNESS<O:p</O:p

Assuming the husband fills the roles identified in this list, this sounds more like a slave than a wife.

 

[handy]

I don't agree with most of Mrs. DePurenez's list as well...as a matter of fact much of it goes against what the Scriptures teach.

Matthew, I am sorry for your marital problems as well. However, your wife is a long, long way from being able to submit...her issues seems to be that she is in full rebellion against God. Your marriage is in dire trouble. If your wife is unwilling to go into counseling with a pastor, it is doubtful it can be saved, and if not, again I am sorry.

Is she a Christian? If she isn't and she desires a divorce, then you can give her one in clear conscience. (1 Corinthians 7) If she is, you truly need some marital counseling in order to get your marriage back on track.

 

[Alabaster]

The Lord instructs the husband to love his wife. How? Like Christ loves His Church---SACRIFICIALLY. That is what melts a woman's heart. That is what brings a woman to respect her husband, which is her assignment.

Women who are not cherished do not respect.

So, never mind what she does or doesn't do. Mind what you do and how you do it.

 

[Alabaster]

THIS WAS ESTABLISHED BY MRS MARTHA DE PURENEZ, WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF 104, AND SHE SPENT 82 YEARS IN MARRIAGE, AND SHE SAID THIS. “I know that young ladies will never agree with me, but whoever will implement this, shall be the happiest of all and shall make a nice home; unless otherwise.â€

ITEMS
1.The husband is always right
2.The husband is always the master of the family even if he doesn’t work
3.The wife must ask for permission from the husband before going in bed as well as before turning the back to him on the bed
4.If the husband beats the wife and then comes a visitor, the wife should smile as if nothing happened
5.The husband is still the master and has full control on all the operations even in bed
6.Even if the wife is right, Article number 1 takes over
7.Before going to bed the wife must be in her nightdress with no pant or bra, to allow the husband to enter at any time he feels like
8.The husband never lies, but he enlightens
9.When the husband is shouting, the wife keeps kneeling down without saying anything
10.The wife should wait for the husband before making any decision
11.The husband never comes home late, he is in a meeting
12.The husband never goes out on the off day but he is attending the family meeting
13.The wife waits for her husband with her ideas and take those of her husband when he is back home
14.The wife never works hard during the day to avoid her getting fast tired in the night
15.The wife never goes to her husband’s office only when it comes an urgent case or emergence of this one
16.The wife is not allowed to do any kind of expenses without consulting the husband even if its her own money
17.All the misunderstandings have to be solved by only the two in the bedroom without witness and this should be to the husband’s advantage
18.The wife never refuses eating, even if she is annoyed
19.The wife has no orders to give to her husband, but she receives these from him
20.The wife must respect the husband’s orders carefully
21.The wife has to take limit of her jealous and not show it in public
22..The wife ever pays visits to her parents as well as to her in-laws only on permission from the husband and under any circumstances, she should be accompanied by the husband
23.The wife never goes out without permission from her husband

NB. THE POWER OF THE WIFE IS IN HER WEAKNESS<o>:p</o>:p

Wow. :shocked! She couldn't have been truly happy. That is not a Godly marriage.

 

[handy]

The Lord instructs the husband to love his wife. How? Like Christ loves His Church---SACRIFICIALLY. That is what melts a woman's heart. That is what brings a woman to respect her husband, which is her assignment.

Women who are not cherished do not respect.

So, never mind what she does or doesn't do. Mind what you do and how you do it.

Good point!

 

[Sparkey]

Handy, this is one of my favorite threads. Here is the place where I come to find what kind of beauty Jesus wants all of us to behold and become.

lol - Man's view here: There's something sexy about what the 104 year-old Martha said about submission. That's true enough. It is by our submission to Christ that we become fruitful in Him. I don't know how I could submit to an ungodly person who made demands but unto Him who became a servant and showed the right of it? There is no gender in heaven but still we are given the analogy of marriage and able to see into the mystery of godliness. Our right relationship with our Lord is that which honors Him.

May I tell you a secret? When I heard about another woman who served her master and called him "Lord," -- Sarah, the wife of Abraham, I wanted a woman who could do same for me. Never happened but that's more my fault, being wrong minded, than any other.

Shy to say it outloud, but there it is.

~"LordWannaBe, Sparrow"

 

[Alabaster]

My husband loves me so totally, and so like Jesus does---sacrificially, every day, that I cannot help but love him back, and show him my utmost respect and if he ever asked me to do anything, which I can count on the fingers of my one hand the times he has ever done so in 35 years, I would gladly submit.

David represents Jesus Christ to me. He is God's precious gift to me, created by God to reveal to me how precious I am to Him that He laid down His very life for me.

 

[handy]

Alabaster, that is a beautiful testimony about you and your husband.


Sparrowhawke, as far as the quote from Martha, I was prepared to find a different list, because I agree with her, when we wives submit to our husbands, it does create a happy home. However, I do find her "list" to not be a biblical representation of what God calls submission.

 

[Matthew77ask]

I don't agree with most of Mrs. DePurenez's list as well...as a matter of fact much of it goes against what the Scriptures teach.

Matthew, I am sorry for your marital problems as well. However, your wife is a long, long way from being able to submit...her issues seems to be that she is in full rebellion against God. Your marriage is in dire trouble. If your wife is unwilling to go into counseling with a pastor, it is doubtful it can be saved, and if not, again I am sorry.

Is she a Christian? If she isn't and she desires a divorce, then you can give her one in clear conscience. (1 Corinthians 7) If she is, you truly need some marital counseling in order to get your marriage back on track.

For a long time she "suffers" because I could not provide "enough" big house, cars, maids etc. Then through some friends we did went to some couselling. she told the cousellor that she wanted "someone with authority to change me". It was a war in the couselling room... I could bring out specific examples of my hurts and things that were done.. she could only resolution.
[she threw my PDA ($500) and smashed it... tore out my letters and worksheets and books - short of the bible... lock me out of the house - just because I do not know how to driveto a certain place].... So the counselling did not work out...


Then we found 2equal1 ministry...2=1 - The Combined Ministries of Nova Shalom, Marriage Ministries International, and University of the Family

They ran marriage course based on the bible... Look towards Jesus... type - not the "problem solving" type.
If you are angry... look towards God to give you strength, and how God will see you through... The leader couple went thru a lot themselves and they shared their experience... but we still fought... because she keep saying "go for what? you also do not change..." In my heart, I just can look towards God...

Then there was one nite- after the rest of the 3 couples left, the leader wife Katherine made us stayed back.. and then talked to her... and Leslie the hubby talked to me... we later came together and talk and pray.. I think this is the first time both of us has a real break through.. and she became better. That nite we left at 2am...

We finished the course - a year plus ago.. however, things moving back to the old ways again... when she gets mad - she becomes so uncaring and demanding and unreasonable - "I don't want to care - you Satan! " she would scold me...

However, I want to add - compared to 5 years ago.. we are much much better now... but still cannot comprehend this - she was a Christian before she knew me. I became one only after 6 years into our marriage. I believe in GOD, that He will see me through - (He has done it for many occassion when I lost my job) - but for this - I just do not know how to let Him handle - like he is not getting it done yet.. why so long?

If my wife were to follow some principles of submitting (I prefer the word "go with the flow" ) - then life at home will be more peaceful and happy. But then - I have STOP wishing about if my wife can only do this - or do that - or ...

What she is now, and what she should be - it is NOT my problem - it is GOD - your problem... (idk - i dun kare).. maybe I can hold on so long is because when things happen - GOD you deal with it... yes, I do feel bad... and lousy... but YOU handle her... not me... I just do what I need to do... iron cloths, wash cloths, mop floor, send them to school at 620am, fetch them at 330 pm, send them at ... fetch em at... go market, work, earn some money to feed them... etc...
and sing THE BOXER, STREETS of LONDON, AMAZING GRACE...

GOD you take care of my family.. of her, my two daughters (Lynnette 18, Jeannette 16).... and my businesses... (my tuition centre)...

I am weak... YOU help me...

and when I come across this forum... I am seeking for Godly people like you to give me support from the bible.. to draw strenghts from GOD.. and you...

MAny thanks.... to you and alll....

 

[Alabaster]

Matthew 6:33-34 NLT
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.