Husband submitting to wife-is it OK?

[Carry_Your_Name]

That's in reality. Somebody has to have the last say, or a civil war breaks out. Marriage is kept together by a pecking order and unselfishness both.

This certainly wouldn't be true everywhere. In a declining formerly Christian society, yes.

Then it is true in a declining former Christian society.

We're not, as Christians, being thrown to the lions. So no, we aren't in the kind of "perilous times" that Paul was speaking about when suggesting the single life. But he also recommended the single life if one could not only do it but enjoy it.

To be honest, I'm neither enjoying nor suffering, but avoiding. I might've been using Christianity as an escape from the doom and gloom I've just described, and I genuinely don't see any other option.

 

[RandyK]

Yeah, but the cost of the current stability is the hope for the future. A man ought to have his own place to live and raise a family, that's a requirement for marriage in my culture, a basic security need of a shelter, which I think is a quite reasonable demand. However, in a normal economy where apartments and houses are built for the purpose of dwelling and mostly affordable, housing wouldn't be considered such a big hurdle, even if you live in a car, a boat, a freight container or a tent, that's not permanent, people have hope, women see potentials, they're willing to take the risk with a guy who doesn't have his own place yet, but in the forseeable future, they can save enough for the down payment, manage the mortgage, move into a house and fulfill their dream, and marriage makes it easier and quicker, when they have dual income and reap the benefits of tax credits for couples.

However, as I've described, over the past 15-20 years, an apartment has become a status symbol and housing a financial means to hedge against inflation, it's not affordable for average people any more, their dream is out of reach, and slowly they lose their desire for marriage and family since they don't have a stable fundation for it. What was an economic issue has become a cultural issue. That might be hard for you to imagine, but that's the reality I'm living in.

I believe you believe that. I think, however, you're undervaluing what couples are willing to share, in terms of hardship, led by hope for the future. You might find that a compatible partner is going through the same thoughts you do and wants very much to share in both an adventure and the struggle to have meaning--just to be appreciated.

A couple could meet on a train they've stowed away on and ultimately find a place to call "home." From there, it begins to settle in their minds to take advantage of opportunities that eventually arise. Once investment is made, the objective gets clearer, and results begin to create greater hope and encouragement.

When I had nothing a friend and I sat in coffee shops drawing out on napkins plans to make money. It took years but eventually opportunities arose. Taking advantage of the smallest opportunity sometimes led to something much bigger. Humbling oneself creates the notion that the only direction that lies ahead is "up."

Musk has been trying to develop really inexpensive dwellings. And if you're not too proud they are affordable, even if very small. Being small they are economical to heat and to cool.

I many years ago went to the library and read about constructing unique, cheap structures you could build for yourself. I never built one, but I did learn some elementary principles of construction--something I never entertained before.

 

[RandyK]

Then it is true in a declining former Christian society.

To be honest, I'm neither enjoying nor suffering, but avoiding. I might've been using Christianity as an escape from the doom and gloom I've just described, and I genuinely don't see any other option.

You're looking at things in reverse if you think you're "using" Christianity. Christianity uses you because in true Christianity God is Lord. He is in charge, and we work with Him with Him as our director.

That being said, finding an "escape" isn't always a bad plan. You just have to have a plan on where to escape to?

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

You're looking at things in reverse if you think you're "using" Christianity. Christianity uses you because in true Christianity God is Lord. He is in charge, and we work with Him with Him as our director.

That being said, finding an "escape" isn't always a bad plan. You just have to have a plan on where to escape to?

No, it's not a bad plan, just a bad coping mechanism to avoid pain and distress. The destination doesn't matter, the point is to be absent from the body and present with the Lord, even though sooner or later I'll be pull back to reality.

 

[RandyK]

No, it's not a bad plan, just a bad coping mechanism to avoid pain and distress. The destination doesn't matter, the point is to be absent from the body and present with the Lord, even though sooner or later I'll be pull back to reality.

You sound very depressed and unhappy. I wish I could help! I'm just glad you have the Lord. With Him there's always hope...

 

[Juliarod]

Musk has been trying to develop really inexpensive dwellings. And if you're not too proud they are affordable, even if very small. Being small they are economical to heat and to cool.

Where are these inexpensive homes being bult, Brother Randy?

 

[RandyK]

Where are these inexpensive homes being bult, Brother Randy?

Don't know--I just read the news. Musk apparently has been preparing for this.

There are numerous strategies, including building a tiny home, buying a fixer, buying a small display mobile or a mobile home from the factory, etc.

I know people who converted a bus into a living quarter. I have a friend who currently lives in an RV. I know a couple who lived in a sailboat.

One can probably rent an excavator and dig out the side of a hill for an underground home. Bury an old railroad car or convert a storage container? ;) It all requires research, savings, and work.

One can buy an old house and rent out rooms in it--I know people who do that too. There are options for those who call upon the Lord and wait, exercising due diligence and self-discipline. But there aren't always easy answers.

A Frames are easy to build, though I haven't built them myself. Dome houses can be built in small triangular pieces in your back yard--they've been built in a day in contests. But there are zoning limitations, etc.

Don't look at the mountain--focus on the little hills to start with has been my motto. Use what you have. If you don't have anything--pray.

 

[RandyK]

My wife and I met when we were both in incredible poverty. We worked ourselves off of Section 8 and welfare programs. We over a period of time bought cheap homes and fixed them up, paying off our debts. Prayer worked for us. We're doing much better today in our retirement.

 

[Juliarod]

My wife and I met when we were both in incredible poverty. We worked ourselves off of Section 8 and welfare programs. We over a period of time bought cheap homes and fixed them up, paying off our debts. Prayer worked for us. We're doing much better today in our retirement.

My husband leads ministry and works construction and I am doing only part-time work while also in ministry with him. We are in an apartment right now but hope to have our own home one day, God willing of course. Yes, much prayer and hard work. God will provide! Amen brother!

 

[Elijah7777]

We have talked about marriage in the future. We both are ok with her being the head of household.

It sounds like you are well on your way to being a care taker for her. As she gets older and may have to deal with health issues. My wife is devoted and if I am in the hospital she is often right there with me keeping me company. AS long as she can get reception for her phone. She is adding years to my life for whatever that is worth. The nurses do not seem to be surprised by people like her. As if they run into it all the time.

 

[Carry_Your_Name]

You sound very depressed and unhappy. I wish I could help! I'm just glad you have the Lord. With Him there's always hope...

This mortal life is short, our true hope is eternal life with Jesus. Romance, marriage, sex, kids, the whole shebang is the epitome of worldliness that will only cause "troubles in the flesh". We ought to be eschatologically oriented toward the kingdom, not the cares of this world. If I sound depressed and unhappy, consider that the cost of discipleship.

But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away. (1 Cor. 7:29-31)

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Hi guys. I'm a 29 year old single guy dating a 46 year old wonderful Christian lady. We've been dating for about 6 months and it's going great. We get along great-her personality is more dominant and mine is more submissive. We have talked about marriage in the future. We both are ok with her being the head of household. No I'm not weak and she's not controlling-that's just the way we both prefer it. She's more assertive than me, her income is 4 times mine(she's way up into the 6 figures), and has more experience in life than me. I know it's unbiblical, but so is getting divorced and remarried but many Christians do it. And this is not a new thing to me-I've been attracted to women in their 40s since I was about 16. But it is the first time I've actually dated a woman more than 5 years older than me.

I know you probably won't be back to read this, but I'll share my opinion for anyone else's potential benefit. If you both want to have an un-Biblical marriage that doesn't have God's stamp of approval, that's up to you. But don't wonder why God's blessing isn't on it later. The fact that she is divorced (you need to know who initiated it and why), and wants to be the head, and that you don't want to be the head, and that you're excusing what you're doing because many other Christians are living outside the will of God, these are red flags. IMO, you're headed for disaster. I see dysfunction on both sides of this relationship.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

It sounds like you are well on your way to being a care taker for her.

One day he's going to wake up and realize he's married to his grandmother. This is the main reason I am against large differences in age between man and wife. The disparity in age is going to be profoundly evident when the older person becomes a senior citizen. Especially one with medical issues. There's a steep and rapid decline in a person, from young to old, between the ages of 60 and 70. All the 'fun' reasons you got married aren't going to carry you through that kind of trial. The older potential spouse should realize this, because they are wiser about life (especially one that has been married before), and should step away from establishing such a relationship.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

My wife and I met when we were both in incredible poverty. We worked ourselves off of Section 8 and welfare programs. We over a period of time bought cheap homes and fixed them up, paying off our debts. Prayer worked for us. We're doing much better today in our retirement.

Shared life experience is valuable in a marital relationship. The greater the disparity in age, the less shared life experience they have to bond over. In fact, the lack of cultural familiarity and bonding may end up being a source of resentment and frustration. It will distance you, not bring you together.

 

[RandyK]

Shared life experience is valuable in a marital relationship. The greater the disparity in age the two are, the less shared life experience they have to bond over. In fact, the lack of cultural familiarity and bonding may end up being a source of resentment and frustration. It will distance you, not bring you together.

That may be true in the extreme. But my wife and I, when we 1st got together, wondered if God really put us together? There was a mild discrepancy in age, and she was older than me. She was from England. I'm from the US. She had been married before. I had not. She was blonde. I was dark-haired. She was artistic. I'm more intellectual.

Now, many years later we've realized God's wisdom in bringing us together. We've worked together in business, and share an interest in our finances. Most importantly, we love to talk about the Bible and the Lord. And there are many other significant common interests, including interior design, gardening, self-sufficiency, etc.

Generally, what you're saying is true. We just need to be led by the Lord.

 

[Elijah7777]

We're not that Puritan, LoL.

I am actually a Pilgram, but we joined with the Puritans to become the United Pilgram Church today. 190 years ago.

 

[Elijah7777]

Shared life experience is valuable in a marital relationship. The greater the disparity in age, the less shared life experience they have to bond over. In fact, the lack of cultural familiarity and bonding may end up being a source of resentment and frustration. It will distance you, not bring you together.

My wife is from a very different country and we bond just fine. The issue with a difference in age is she would be more of a daughter than a wife. So I wanted someone closer to my age. Of course there is the sugar daddy issue but marriages of convenience are really the norm. The Romeo and Juliet marriage of passion is a rather new idea. It did not seem to work out for them, as it did not work in West Side Story. One of my favorite movies. Although for you a latino should marry their own kind and not be involved in a mixed marriage.

 

[Elijah7777]

One day he's going to wake up and realize he's married to his grandmother.

My first and second son are 20 years apart with different mothers. I was very active with my first son. We would go out boating to water ski and snow ski in the winter. We went roller skating on family night. Now my second son I go out on my electric scooter and he rides his bicycle. So it is like being raised by a grand parent. We still do things together but it is a lot different what we do.

It is much better to have kids early in life and not later. Just to keep up with them.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

Although for you a latino should marry their own kind and not be involved in a mixed marriage.

Generally speaking, that would be best. Marriage is hard enough even for 'compatible' people. It is better to have fewer obstacles to overcome and deal with in marriage. That should go without saying.

Just as religious and political differences can impede a marriage, so will the cultural and physical differences caused by a large disparity in age. When all the fun stuff in marriage wears thin, and it will, these differences are going to be obstacles to overcome. So, I say don't purposely invite that kind of potential future problem into your marriage. Stay within your boundaries.

 

[Elijah7777]

I say don't purposely invite that kind of potential future problem into your marriage.

I have been married to a Filipina for 29 years. It does not ever get any easier.

In West Side Story, Anita tries to warn Maria about her love for Tony in the song "A Boy Like That." Anita, grieving over the death of her boyfriend Bernardo, tells Maria that Tony—who killed Bernardo—will only bring her sorrow. She urges Maria to "stick to her own kind" and find someone from her own community.

We are told there are 144,000 people in the Bible that God has kept pure all these years. 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel. The Twelve Tribes of Israel were descended from the twelve sons of Jacob, who was later named Israel.