Thank you God already spoke to my heart once. When I was suffering day and night and ask him to help me get out of my suffering he said his plan for me Is not to give me relief for the next 10 or 20 years his plan is to give relief for eternity( after death I presume) I said ok I will wait for that promised relief patiently.
Friend, you're not the only one who has suffered day and night for long periods. Many Christians have been cast onto the "bed of suffering" and remained in it for years - some until God chose to take them home to Himself. I have my own story in this regard. Enduring pain and debilitation is not a stranger to me. But I can tell you that God is present and greater than all the trouble we may face in life. If everything but our lives was stripped from us, we would still have the Greatest Thing in all of the universe: God Almighty. And if we have Him, if we are His, we have all that is really necessary, all that is eternally important. I'm not sure, though, that you believe this.
But practically enduring suffering became impossible and realised there is no way I can live like this any more.
Does God know about your suffering? Yes, He knows all things. Is He unable to do anything about your suffering? No. He could completely stop your suffering at any time. But He hasn't. Why not? Is God letting you suffer because He doesn't care? No, that's silly. God loves you more than anyone else ever can, more than you will ever fully understand. So, what's He up to, then? Well, you can be sure of at least one thing that God intends in your suffering:
Romans 8:28-29 (NASB)
28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;
In
everything, good or bad, God wants to make you more like Jesus Christ. God is working ALL THINGS toward this good end - if you'll let Him. This is God's priority for your life. He made you to be a vessel in whom
Jesus can be clearly seen.
2 Corinthians 4:6-11 (NASB)
6 For God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
8 we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
10 always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
11 For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.
You are not your own, if you've been born-again, but are bought with the price of the precious blood of Jesus, and so ought to glorify him in your life - even when you're suffering.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NASB)
19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?
20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
What higher, greater thing can a person aspire to than to be a vessel through whom Jesus, their Creator and Savior, communicates himself? This seems a dreary, uninteresting thing only to those who have made
themselves their highest priority, who have put themselves where God ought to be in their minds and hearts, and have made themselves a friend of the World, taking up its values, goals, ethics and beliefs. Is this you? (
Romans 8:5-8; James 4:4)
When Christ is your "divine obsession," when he is your
life, as he ought to be (
Colossians 3:1-4), even in suffering you can be content. And as you are, he will use you to light the lives of those around you with himself, the Light of the World (
John 1:4-5, 9). As this happens, you will fulfill the fundamental purpose of your existence. All this, though, is halted by suicide. You cannot come to know Christ deeply, to know him as your very life, and to be used by him as his vessel if all you hope for, and are looking at, is death. What did Christ say?
John 10:10 (NASB)
10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)
28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."
If, in the midst of your suffering, you do not find rest and abundance in Jesus, it is because you have turned your eyes from him, much like Peter did when he tried to walk to Christ on the stormy waves of the sea of Galilee. And like Peter, you're sinking beneath the waves into darkness and death. This is unnecessary; Christ is with you and will lift you up into safety and rest in himself, if you'll let him, if you'll look away from the waves and fix your eyes steadfastly on your Savior and Lord.
Like Paul, the peace, rest and joy found in Jesus are not attached to your circumstances. Paul suffered a great deal:
2 Corinthians 11:24-28 (NASB)
24 Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes.
25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep.
26 I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren;
27 I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.
28 Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches.
And yet, Paul wrote:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NASB)
9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Philippians 4:12-13 (NASB)
12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
What Paul discovered in Christ, we, too, can discover. And when we do, we come into the life for which we were made - even when we are suffering. Suicide is not of God. Life is.
