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I misled us on the issue of divorce - wrong interpretation

I was researching an article I was writing about unconditional love and domestic violence. I found a passage in the Bible that said we can divorce if out partner is unchaste. So I did research on the term and it was much more than adultery. So I wrote the article about how unconditional love is wonderful but if your husband is beating you up it's okay to get divorced. Pastor Dobson also says to leave a partner who is unchaste. But he only recommends a trial separation. I tried that several times but when I reunited with my husband it got worse. I think God wants us to be happy. He wants us to be equally yoked. So if we marry a non-Christian or Christian who abuses us physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually then it's okay to get divorced. This is only my opinion.
 
wondering said:
Hi Kiwidan....
You say the couple can't know the future.

This is why they take an oath.
An oath is different from a promise.
a promise is made to another person...
an oath is made to God.
When two persons get married, God is there, present, as a witness.

And what does the oath state:
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

The reason for this oath is exactly because things change in life.

You're not supposed to have "good intentions" when you get married.
That's not enough...you're supposed to understand that marriage is forever...
it's a commitment.

It's a great invention because it's SUPPOSED to make each partner feel very free and very secure.
It's great to age and get old with the person you married...who else can know you better?
Click to expand...

Just the words for better or worse is a big commitment. There is a lot of domestic abuse in relationships and it should not be tolerated. There is no excuse for abuse.
 
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Susannah said:
I was researching an article I was writing about unconditional love and domestic violence. I found a passage in the Bible that said we can divorce if out partner is unchaste. So I did research on the term and it was much more than adultery. So I wrote the article about how unconditional love is wonderful but if your husband is beating you up it's okay to get divorced. Pastor Dobson also says to leave a partner who is unchaste. But he only recommends a trial separation. I tried that several times but when I reunited with my husband it got worse. I think God wants us to be happy. He wants us to be equally yoked. So if we marry a non-Christian or Christian who abuses us physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually then it's okay to get divorced. This is only my opinion.
Click to expand...
Actually, every church I can think of off-hand agrees with you.
As will everyone on this thread --- I think.
 
jasonc said:
My wife and I would fit this .

My,wife first husband died after the divorce by,20 years later ,her second was violent.

Grace covers sins.

Sometimes people rebel,they divorce ,they move on ,they marry another .my,brother admitted he made a mistake and tried to rekindle his first marriage .it didn't happen,his first wife married again ,and then once more.my,brother moved on.later he met a younger girl fell in love they married and both serve the lord in unison.this wasn't so with his first marriage .
Click to expand...
I agree with you.
It's just not what Jesus said to do or how to behave.
I don't have the solution...but it's a very big problem.

Allen Wynne was joking about me visiting with the Pope,,,,actually this Pope
agrees that a person can get married again even if the original spouse is still living.

JohnDB might have a good point in that we may not know everything Jesus said and we should look to other clues -- like to culture of that time perhaps.

But Paul seems to agree with Jesus in Corinthians and Ephesians...so I'm left with a problem and no solution.

I also believe that if my husband left me....I SHOULD be able to remarry.
HE broke the oath...not me.
 
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kiwidan said:
Just the words for better or worse is a big commitment. There is a lot of domestic abuse in relationships and it should not be tolerated. There is no excuse for abuse.
Click to expand...
I think we all agree on the abuse issue.

Why did this thread become about abuse?
 
OzSpen said:
wondering,

In Australia,



This article states that defacto relationships are more unstable than marriages.

Oz
Click to expand...
Of course.
Serious persons get married and are willing to make the commitment.
Rarely do persons that live together really mean to be together forever...although I can
think of two couples that have been together over 20 years and never married.
(this is not the norm).

This is also why, statistically, it's been found that couples that lived together first, are more prone
to divorce than couples that did NOT live together.

For the same reason as I've stated.....

Would you agree?
 
wondering said:
Wow...I think you've said it all.
Nothing to add.
:clap


Can I just say that much of the emotion of men honoring women....
and women respecting men....
has been eradicated from our young society, and its i nhabitants,,,I'd say persons of about 30 and below...due to sex education in school, where everything and anything is discussed in a mixed classroom...and I hear that we now understand that we need to start this education in kindergarten or it will be of no effect.

We've gone mad PJ.
Adults have ruined our young and our future.
Adults that grew up in a liberal, immoral, and anti-authoritarian society that could have only
led to what we see around us today.
Click to expand...
I would balance what is happening with people like Jordan Peterson and psychologists who are learning what governs healthy societies.

Being a light, and speaking truth and real testimonies from people traumatised by lifes experience offers real hope.

If we are light, speak truth and show love, the illusions of sin and desperation fall away.
 
PeterJens said:
I would balance what is happening with people like Jordan Peterson and psychologists who are learning what governs healthy societies.

Being a light, and speaking truth and real testimonies from people traumatised by lifes experience offers real hope.

If we are light, speak truth and show love, the illusions of sin and desperation fall away.
Click to expand...
Desperation is a sin for Christians.
It's "missing the mark".

I'll be listening to Jordan Peterson..hope he's on YouTube.
Not reading much anymore these days.....
 
Susannah said:
I was researching an article I was writing about unconditional love and domestic violence. I found a passage in the Bible that said we can divorce if out partner is unchaste. So I did research on the term and it was much more than adultery. So I wrote the article about how unconditional love is wonderful but if your husband is beating you up it's okay to get divorced. Pastor Dobson also says to leave a partner who is unchaste. But he only recommends a trial separation. I tried that several times but when I reunited with my husband it got worse. I think God wants us to be happy. He wants us to be equally yoked. So if we marry a non-Christian or Christian who abuses us physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually then it's okay to get divorced. This is only my opinion.
Click to expand...
The problem with abuse, it is difficult to define a cut off point.
And in an abusive partner there is something deeper going on that is the problem. Mood swings that lead to violence simply means that individual should live a single life. Once stability can be established some kind of normality can be talked about.
Part of abuse is often demeaning an individual to the extent they feel they cannot find another life without their partner.

A point needs to be established where there is a real choice of being with their partner or a separate life. At this point the choice is real and not manipulation or co-dependency.

Marriage is a covenant commitment but is not self destruction or abuse. If the choice is being single or being abused, always choose being single else this is just abuse.

So many people never grow up, and face the limitations of life, and are happy to blame those closest to them for their own personal failures and weaknesses.
 
Oh,
It's very difficult these days for two people (man and woman) to learn to live together in wedded bliss.
Especially when they have very strong personalities and independent identities.

Everyone thinks that their rights are being violated by their spouses in some abusive fashion... especially during that first to second year of marriage.

And it really isn't true very often. Guys know better than to abuse women. Women know better than to manipulate the emotions of their husbands. Very few ever engage in this...it still happens. But people know better.

In those first few years of marriage there is usually a battle for supremacy. Either the husband or the wife will win the"control".

But not always.

As in any partnership the different partners each bring to the table different skills and abilities. None are more valuable...both are equal. Hard for couples to figure this out sometimes... even harder when they aren't Christian.
 
I was the one who brought up the subject of abuse because I used to counsel women who told me they couldn't get divorced because they were Christian. But aside from that issue I believe God wants me to be equally yoked with another Christian. Sometimes if you become a Christian later in life then you're with the wrong partner and you have to risk sinning by divorce in order to be with the right person. My deceased husband was a Christian and it made us both happy to share our faith. I never had that with my ex who I married when I was very young. So the bottom line for me is that I believe in divorce for the right reasons
 
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